I want to be able to talk about this to someone that really cares.
I'm having severe family problems, and I mean it.
There's a tremendous change in the relationship with my first younger brother.
However there's still a bright side of this situation, that is my relationship with my youngest brother remains as good as before.
That's not it.
I had an overwhelming sense that one of my parents has changed, unfortunately, in a bad way.
I don't know if I am being too paranoid, but all of the evidence were too convincing.
Tell me, what should be my next step?
The adults are reluctant to talk about their problems.
How would I know what's going on?
I know this family always has the serious communication problem but I never knew that it would be that serious.
I never knew that we would come to this point.
One of them has been acting really suspicious lately.
Being in the list of the top tens most paranoid person, my conclusion is one of them is having an affair.
Running up debts, tortured by family members.. Having an affair is the worst thing a family can have.
Having an affair??
I heard many of these stories but I thought after so many years, this would unlikely to happen.
After so long and you are telling me that you are interested in this irresponsible unforgivable act?
There is definitely no reason or excuse for doing this.
All these days I could only think of this matter.
If I am the only one who think of this, then maybe the probability of me being wrong is higher.
What if it's not just me who thinks like this too??
I had been having 'secret meetings' with my lil brother.
He's the only one I can talk to now.
I would never ever forgive if this really happens.
But my lil brother said no matter what I might still have to go with xxx because I need to go overseas to study.
He's right.
I don't know what will it be like if this really happens.
I really dono.
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Saturday, November 19, 2011
And finally I cried
And I cried, several weeks after the last time I cried.
Pathetic I was to face a bowl of milo and biscuits when I cried.
I was so sad all of a sudden and while eating I cried and the sound of the tv downstairs had prevented them from knowing that I was crying.
It wasn't suppose to be like that.
Today supposed to be a nice day. I was supposed to be excited to prepare for tomorrow's TOEFL.
And I have no idea why did I cry. Maybe because I was too fat or maybe because the milo and biscuits tasted very bad. Or maybe because I was too worried for TOEFL? But I didn't cry for Econs and Law exams.
Or maybe, I texted a friend, Engyi and I felt so touched and I cried? It's possible since I had not been contacting any of my frens for a long time although I don't have many friends.
In these few months when I stay at home, I cried more often. Is it mean that I shouldn't be at home? This is not where I should stay? What should I do?
Pathetic I was to face a bowl of milo and biscuits when I cried.
I was so sad all of a sudden and while eating I cried and the sound of the tv downstairs had prevented them from knowing that I was crying.
It wasn't suppose to be like that.
Today supposed to be a nice day. I was supposed to be excited to prepare for tomorrow's TOEFL.
And I have no idea why did I cry. Maybe because I was too fat or maybe because the milo and biscuits tasted very bad. Or maybe because I was too worried for TOEFL? But I didn't cry for Econs and Law exams.
Or maybe, I texted a friend, Engyi and I felt so touched and I cried? It's possible since I had not been contacting any of my frens for a long time although I don't have many friends.
In these few months when I stay at home, I cried more often. Is it mean that I shouldn't be at home? This is not where I should stay? What should I do?
I'm old enough to make my own plans
I'm having TOEFL tomorrow morning at Penang's KDU. Unfortunately, I'm still not well-prepared. All I could think of is how I will fail in TOEFL. For speaking, I couldn't speak within 60 sec. For reading, the questions were tough. For listening, I couldn't listen carefully to what the thing said. Writing is the worst. And then my mother said whether I can go USA or not depends on my TOEFL score. I think it's because of what she said that ha made me panicked. The worst is she just left me stranded there, worried bout my own stuff alone. HEY!! YOU CAN'T JUST SAY SOMETHING THAT SCARES PEOPLE OFF THEN LEAVE THEM ALONE TO DEAL WITH THE FEAR!!
I couldn't complete the practices. I went berserk. I wanted to scream and throw tantrums but eventually I decided to just remain silent. I din speak to nayone for the whole day. I really don't feel like speaking at all. Columbia College needs 100 out of 120 scores. Where do I get this kind of score for columbia?? This is crazy!!
I can see that going to USA is really a tremendous problem and burden to the family. My mother is reluctant to send me there. I've been doind all the talking, convincing, explaining but it seemed to have no effect at all. I was really upset when I heard the words ' Don go USA la ' . I am still very upset now. She wants me to go hong kong or singapore. I don think I will be happy there. I want to make my own plans. They think I'm not capable of making my own plans. They think I just said it for fun.
It's like I'm the only one that is having emotions in my own room and they are happily sitting in the living room eating KFC. And I really meant it. So before I reach the point of explosion, I talked to Engyi. I found my solution.
I think it's really unfair that they are always saying I shouldn't go here shouldn't go there because I am not good enough and it's not worth spending this amount of money on me and the two potatoes are the ones that can go here go there but their results seemed to be worse than mine. I hate it when they said to me ' you don die oso no use' . And the younger one even learnt that up and always saying this to me. I fit was the previous me I would have slapped him hard on the face. However this time I remained silent and chose not to talk to them.
Hence, I had made my own decisions tonight. What's with all the fuss! I can retake TOEFL if I fail. Since I'm taking up a job after my TOEFL, I can register TOEFL agiani with my own money. Not a abig deal.I can take it until I scored 100. I'll somehow make my way through US. If eventually I fail to do so, I will have to go somehwere else. If hong kong and singapore don accpet me then I'll just go back to UTAR. What's the big deal. I can plan my own route. It's not the end of the world.
I couldn't complete the practices. I went berserk. I wanted to scream and throw tantrums but eventually I decided to just remain silent. I din speak to nayone for the whole day. I really don't feel like speaking at all. Columbia College needs 100 out of 120 scores. Where do I get this kind of score for columbia?? This is crazy!!
I can see that going to USA is really a tremendous problem and burden to the family. My mother is reluctant to send me there. I've been doind all the talking, convincing, explaining but it seemed to have no effect at all. I was really upset when I heard the words ' Don go USA la ' . I am still very upset now. She wants me to go hong kong or singapore. I don think I will be happy there. I want to make my own plans. They think I'm not capable of making my own plans. They think I just said it for fun.
It's like I'm the only one that is having emotions in my own room and they are happily sitting in the living room eating KFC. And I really meant it. So before I reach the point of explosion, I talked to Engyi. I found my solution.
I think it's really unfair that they are always saying I shouldn't go here shouldn't go there because I am not good enough and it's not worth spending this amount of money on me and the two potatoes are the ones that can go here go there but their results seemed to be worse than mine. I hate it when they said to me ' you don die oso no use' . And the younger one even learnt that up and always saying this to me. I fit was the previous me I would have slapped him hard on the face. However this time I remained silent and chose not to talk to them.
Hence, I had made my own decisions tonight. What's with all the fuss! I can retake TOEFL if I fail. Since I'm taking up a job after my TOEFL, I can register TOEFL agiani with my own money. Not a abig deal.I can take it until I scored 100. I'll somehow make my way through US. If eventually I fail to do so, I will have to go somehwere else. If hong kong and singapore don accpet me then I'll just go back to UTAR. What's the big deal. I can plan my own route. It's not the end of the world.
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Bad mood
I'm very upset since morning. For no reason.
I got to my TOEFL classes in time. Today gets better, at least the times I want to fall asleep has reduced.
After the class I thought I should go JJ to do some shopping. I'm recently out of my own mind. I am losing weight but yet I keep buying junks back home especially instant noodles.
When I was passing the traffic outside JJ, I was supposed to turn right, of course before the light turns red. Nobody is allowed to speed through the red light, especially beginners that are still holding the 'P' license.Hello??!!!
But I couldnt believe myself. There was a car in front of me when the light ALREADY turned yellow and the car hadn't turn right yet. Supposedly I should stop no matter the car in front of me stop or keep going cause it's already yellow light but I went blank. I didn't know what I was thinking at that moment. Maybe I was too scared that if I stopped abruptly the car behind me might knock me cause it's too late to break.
So, out of my mind, I sped a little bit trying to pass before the green light of the other side of the road lighted up. I think when I was at the point where I was going to speed and turn right, two thoughts suddenly came to my mind. Should I stop or go? Hence at that point I slowed down but apparently I decided to speed. So within that moment, a few seconds passed and if I was to speed red light I should do it fast right.
Damn it!! When I was almost going to drive into the right lane, ALMOST GOING TO, the green light of the other side lighted and you know sometimes cars can wait and they don drive immediately when it turns green. But those motorcycles. DAMN! I was sort of blocking their way to 'speed'. Few of them even stared angrily at me, giving those ' wth is she doing ! get lost la ! ' expressions.
I was already like 'omg omg omg' . Damn it! I never did that ! It's really bad and it's frightening!! And then I drove into JJ and I was praying hard that there would be a lot of parkings. It did. But I used to have Xinyi with me when I did parking. And today. It's really saddening. I failed at parking. Suck. How can I be so fail. In the car all I could think was 'what the hell are you doing. you are such a failure'
And so I went mad. I went to the market side and bought things that I usually don't buy. And I spent rm60 on junks. I regretted. It's not like I can eat them all. And this morning I had a little argument with my mom and when I came home we sort of argued a lil bit AGAIN.
And after dinner, I argued with my brother because he couldn't let me use the com and kept playing his childish game. I went berserk and I turned on the volume of the tv so loud and I had another argument with another brother.
Then after 2 hours I came up and said ' if you still want to sit there i will just off the com immediately' and so he left reluctantly but then he said he had to ' do something without me seeing first ' so i had to go in my room first. I didn't listen to him and he didn't want to leave the seat and then he quickly took out the drawer and ran into the room and he knocked down the speaker and the cover of the speaker came off and I was so frustrated I TOOK HIS HANDPHONE AND THREW IT DOWNSTAIRS.
When he came up and saw what happened, of course he went mad too and he kept scolding me with foul words but I had no intention to argue back and I didn't even care a bit.
And then later from my parent's room I kept hearing voices in a not very friendly tone.
All these really drive me crazy. Is it my fault?? I don feel like staying in this house. I know it's bad but I really don like the feeling being with them. Dad always with mom, whatever they are doing, arguing talking bla bla bla. The two boys always together, either throwing foul words at each other or talking bout those ridiculous games. I'm always alone. I don see any point being with them. Everytime I be with them it's just like I'm being alone. I really want to leave this place.
I got to my TOEFL classes in time. Today gets better, at least the times I want to fall asleep has reduced.
After the class I thought I should go JJ to do some shopping. I'm recently out of my own mind. I am losing weight but yet I keep buying junks back home especially instant noodles.
When I was passing the traffic outside JJ, I was supposed to turn right, of course before the light turns red. Nobody is allowed to speed through the red light, especially beginners that are still holding the 'P' license.Hello??!!!
But I couldnt believe myself. There was a car in front of me when the light ALREADY turned yellow and the car hadn't turn right yet. Supposedly I should stop no matter the car in front of me stop or keep going cause it's already yellow light but I went blank. I didn't know what I was thinking at that moment. Maybe I was too scared that if I stopped abruptly the car behind me might knock me cause it's too late to break.
So, out of my mind, I sped a little bit trying to pass before the green light of the other side of the road lighted up. I think when I was at the point where I was going to speed and turn right, two thoughts suddenly came to my mind. Should I stop or go? Hence at that point I slowed down but apparently I decided to speed. So within that moment, a few seconds passed and if I was to speed red light I should do it fast right.
Damn it!! When I was almost going to drive into the right lane, ALMOST GOING TO, the green light of the other side lighted and you know sometimes cars can wait and they don drive immediately when it turns green. But those motorcycles. DAMN! I was sort of blocking their way to 'speed'. Few of them even stared angrily at me, giving those ' wth is she doing ! get lost la ! ' expressions.
I was already like 'omg omg omg' . Damn it! I never did that ! It's really bad and it's frightening!! And then I drove into JJ and I was praying hard that there would be a lot of parkings. It did. But I used to have Xinyi with me when I did parking. And today. It's really saddening. I failed at parking. Suck. How can I be so fail. In the car all I could think was 'what the hell are you doing. you are such a failure'
And so I went mad. I went to the market side and bought things that I usually don't buy. And I spent rm60 on junks. I regretted. It's not like I can eat them all. And this morning I had a little argument with my mom and when I came home we sort of argued a lil bit AGAIN.
And after dinner, I argued with my brother because he couldn't let me use the com and kept playing his childish game. I went berserk and I turned on the volume of the tv so loud and I had another argument with another brother.
Then after 2 hours I came up and said ' if you still want to sit there i will just off the com immediately' and so he left reluctantly but then he said he had to ' do something without me seeing first ' so i had to go in my room first. I didn't listen to him and he didn't want to leave the seat and then he quickly took out the drawer and ran into the room and he knocked down the speaker and the cover of the speaker came off and I was so frustrated I TOOK HIS HANDPHONE AND THREW IT DOWNSTAIRS.
When he came up and saw what happened, of course he went mad too and he kept scolding me with foul words but I had no intention to argue back and I didn't even care a bit.
And then later from my parent's room I kept hearing voices in a not very friendly tone.
All these really drive me crazy. Is it my fault?? I don feel like staying in this house. I know it's bad but I really don like the feeling being with them. Dad always with mom, whatever they are doing, arguing talking bla bla bla. The two boys always together, either throwing foul words at each other or talking bout those ridiculous games. I'm always alone. I don see any point being with them. Everytime I be with them it's just like I'm being alone. I really want to leave this place.
Monday, November 14, 2011
ITALIANNIES AGAIN
I was supposed to go to Full House for the set lunch ! :( And to make sure I didn't miss it I make sure everything is done before 12pm. I need to get reference letter from Taylor's. Anyway. However, sadly, mom wanted to go Mid Valley and I thought Mid Valley has Full House so I said okay. And I thought we would reach Mid Valley before 1230pm. But I met Jiaway in the office and we talked for quite a long time and when I noticed it's already 1230! Tian AH! I don want to miss my set lunch!!
Fortunately, no traffic jam along the way and we reached Mid Valley at round 1pm and when we got settled it's almost 120pm. So the first thing we did when we went into Mid Valley was to look for Full House and DAMN IT!! All the while I thought 'The Garden' was Full house! So. no Full House. sad. really very disappointed. So we went to Italiannies. my second choice.
I can say that Italiannies set lunch is really worth it. You can eat till you vomit till your line is already up above your head. No wonder they allowed free flow for their pepsi cause they know when we finish the course we don ahve any more space left for drinks. chih.
anyway.. I ordered something something angel hair. forgot the name. But it's with tomato sauce and it SUCKS! So I made a conclusion. Next time when I go Italiannies, I will never call anything that comes with tomato paste. But the minestrone soup was awesome!
Fortunately, no traffic jam along the way and we reached Mid Valley at round 1pm and when we got settled it's almost 120pm. So the first thing we did when we went into Mid Valley was to look for Full House and DAMN IT!! All the while I thought 'The Garden' was Full house! So. no Full House. sad. really very disappointed. So we went to Italiannies. my second choice.
I can say that Italiannies set lunch is really worth it. You can eat till you vomit till your line is already up above your head. No wonder they allowed free flow for their pepsi cause they know when we finish the course we don ahve any more space left for drinks. chih.
anyway.. I ordered something something angel hair. forgot the name. But it's with tomato sauce and it SUCKS! So I made a conclusion. Next time when I go Italiannies, I will never call anything that comes with tomato paste. But the minestrone soup was awesome!
 |
| The normal bread they provide. I can make it myself too. |
 |
 |
| Salad |
 |
| Minestrone Soup . Awesome ! |
 |
| Bad pasta . I don like |
 |
| Something Something Fish . And I thought the yellow ones were fries but it's not |
Monday, October 17, 2011
Mcd
I just came back from my dental appointment and I wanted McD for breakfast. So I went to McD drive thru and made my order and drove to the front to pay. Just in case, before I drove to the payment part, I opened my purse and 'OH SHIIIT!! NOT ENOUGH MONEY !!'.
I kept digging my purse but all I had was RM 5.. I still need RM3 .
Shit! It's not like I could just run away since I was ALREADY in the driving lane.
When I went to the payment counter I asked the cashier guy can I cancel the set and make it just the burger.
He stared at me and I think he saw it when I was busy digging my purse through the CCTV.
It's not like he had other choice right, unless he decided to pay the rest for me.
And then I took my burger and left with much embarrassment.
Anyway.. I am still looking for a job but I seriously don't know where to find one. Haih
I kept digging my purse but all I had was RM 5.. I still need RM3 .
Shit! It's not like I could just run away since I was ALREADY in the driving lane.
When I went to the payment counter I asked the cashier guy can I cancel the set and make it just the burger.
He stared at me and I think he saw it when I was busy digging my purse through the CCTV.
It's not like he had other choice right, unless he decided to pay the rest for me.
And then I took my burger and left with much embarrassment.
Anyway.. I am still looking for a job but I seriously don't know where to find one. Haih
Sunday, October 16, 2011
My lucky day
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!
I seriously CANNOT believe this shit IS HAPPENING!!!!!!
I was at JJ just now and
I saw a 50 DOLLAR NOTE on the floor!!
My aunt was beside me and I thought she dropped it.
So I stood 'on' the note and asked her if the note was hers.
I wasn't going to pick it up couz I was worried that kind of stuff... might be under a curse or something..
So my aunt.. who knew me too much .. quickly picked up the note ..
And we spent it on the groceries XD
And..
When we were at the counter..
I forgot to put the bread on the counter and I held that in my hand.. without notice.. and I walked out of the door..!
And my aunt suddenly said.. did you pay the bread..
then I was like 'OH MY XXXXXXXXXXXXX'
well.. since we already left the shopping mall w/o being caught..
of course we wouldn't be so stupid to go back again..
I would say.. today is really my lucky day :)))))))
I seriously CANNOT believe this shit IS HAPPENING!!!!!!
I was at JJ just now and
I saw a 50 DOLLAR NOTE on the floor!!
My aunt was beside me and I thought she dropped it.
So I stood 'on' the note and asked her if the note was hers.
I wasn't going to pick it up couz I was worried that kind of stuff... might be under a curse or something..
So my aunt.. who knew me too much .. quickly picked up the note ..
And we spent it on the groceries XD
And..
When we were at the counter..
I forgot to put the bread on the counter and I held that in my hand.. without notice.. and I walked out of the door..!
And my aunt suddenly said.. did you pay the bread..
then I was like 'OH MY XXXXXXXXXXXXX'
well.. since we already left the shopping mall w/o being caught..
of course we wouldn't be so stupid to go back again..
I would say.. today is really my lucky day :)))))))
Saturday, October 8, 2011
I wish I could tell her
I dono how but today when I was talking to my mom we mentioned about the day when I was at the airport, about to leave Malaysia to China. She said she didn't know the reason I always in such bad moods. Was it because I was too pampered and I just like to show angry faces whenever I want. She said everyone was busy saying goodbye to their parents and double checking with the luggages but i was too busy talking on the phone. And then I kept showing angry faces and bad emotion. And then I remembered. That day was the day I broke up with KL. I reckoned I was talking to Engyi and Xinyi at that moment. I wish I could tell my mom I was in such bad mood because I just broke up with my boyf. Maybe she'll understand. But that's impossible. But now I'm telling myself and I'm very serious. On my next flight I will tell her the truth. I will hug her so hard and kissed her goodbye and promised to be a good girl. I swear.
爱
我想要寻找爱。
不只是男女之间的爱，
还有朋友，好朋友，之间的爱，
和家人的爱。
我想要有真爱。
心里有一份真感情，
做人会轻松很多，
会快乐很多。
心里不再是担心下一秒会不会被背叛或欺骗，
心里不会再有不好的想法，
不会再斤斤计较，
就算为别人付出也不会介意。
就算再怎么微小的事情都会值得去笑，
而且是真心的笑。
就算流泪，
也只会因为开心感动而流泪。
Thursday, October 6, 2011
WHAT THE FXXKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
I shouldn't sit beside the phone.............................
Oh guaddd......
The phone rang..
Automatically I had to pick up the phone call..
OH MY SSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!
It's that WOEMAN!!!!!!!
When I heard a voice I really wanted to slam the phone back.
She asked for mummy but I lied, said she went out.
Then she asked me what are my plans now and inside I was like 'WHAT THE HELL!! GUAN NI PI SHI MEH!!'
I lied, told her I confirmed going to UTAR, Jan intake.
I can feel her evil laugh at the other side.
Then she asked me izit many students apply this course and I lied, I said yea.
Then she said mostly guys only will take this course right and I lied, I said no, now many girls taking this also.
I was like you ask one question and I answer you short and fast.
Actually I was trying to send the signal ' Aunty can faster hang up anot '
I think she got that .
She din ask many questions and said goodbye.
I hate her.
I hate her to the max.
Oh guaddd......
The phone rang..
Automatically I had to pick up the phone call..
OH MY SSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!
It's that WOEMAN!!!!!!!
When I heard a voice I really wanted to slam the phone back.
She asked for mummy but I lied, said she went out.
Then she asked me what are my plans now and inside I was like 'WHAT THE HELL!! GUAN NI PI SHI MEH!!'
I lied, told her I confirmed going to UTAR, Jan intake.
I can feel her evil laugh at the other side.
Then she asked me izit many students apply this course and I lied, I said yea.
Then she said mostly guys only will take this course right and I lied, I said no, now many girls taking this also.
I was like you ask one question and I answer you short and fast.
Actually I was trying to send the signal ' Aunty can faster hang up anot '
I think she got that .
She din ask many questions and said goodbye.
I hate her.
I hate her to the max.
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Pumped up kicks
6th of September, 2011, 8:13a.m.
RED FM 'Pumped up kicks'
6th of September, 2011, 12:37p.m.
RED FM 'Pumped up kicks'
RED FM 'Pumped up kicks'
6th of September, 2011, 12:37p.m.
RED FM 'Pumped up kicks'
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
It's all about her again
That woman can go eat shit.
I dono what I had done that caused myself to suffer so much from this bitch.
I really dono what's wrong with her.
AUNTY!! CAN YOU STAY AWAY FROM MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!
I tell you what did that bitch do..
First of all, she couldnt stand it when I changed my course to Finance Maths..
When I decided to take Accounting and Finance you should see how she laughed under her pillow.
She knew that Acc and Finance is just another ordinary course that will not make you stand out when you graduate.
She knew that I'm not as hardworking or as intelligent as her precious daughter.
She knew I would never have the chance to beat her daughter.
Then now...
She just couldnt bear it when she knew I decided to take Finance Maths.
Cause she knew this course is definitely going to stand out in the future.
So what??!!!!
You care bout your own daughter shit then okay already la!!
Leave me alone can anot!!
And when she knew I'm going UTAR, she had to make the situation worse by saying how terrible is that place...
Not like her precious daughter in London!
And she had to boast to the whole world that her daughter had been awarded Maybank scholarship and now she's so rich she can treat my mom breakfast almost everyday!!
And you should see how she exaggerated!!
She said her daughter better don score straight As in A level cause she din have that amount of money to send her daughter out!
And when she knew her daughter got straight As she got a slight heart attack and had to go to the hospital to do check-up !!
And now when her daughter got the scholarship she just had to call back and said now her heart rate went back to normal.
Waaahhh...
I really want to ask her to go eat shiiiiiittttttt!!!!!!!!!!!
And last week her daughter had safely landed in UK and I can see all her calls from my mom's hp.
I knew she told my mom alot of stuff.
When my mom tried to start a conversation about her I just walked away pretended to be very busy.
I don want to know anything about her.
Unfortunately this afternoon when I followed my mom to visit her friend, which is also that woman's friend, that aunty all of a sudden talked about that bitch.
When they departed to UK their plane delayed half way and they got the chance to visit Dubai for a day.
And I had to pretend to be very happy and excited.
WHAT THE HELLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And from this bitch I realised something really cruel.
When I was like around 10 years old I went to this tuition with her daughter and I still keep contact with that teacher.
And just recently this bitch asked my mom how did my English become so weak that I had to find that teacher to help me with my personal statement.
She said her daughter's essay was so perfect that no one could write anything like that.
Her essay was so perfect that the uni had to accept her right away.
She( that bitch ) told my mom that MsLim (that teacher) said I had to go ask her help for my personal statement and my essay was very weak.
HEY HEY HEY!! COME ON!! I did go to ask her BUT BUT BUT it wasn't my will to go ask her okkay!
Ms Lim came to ask me why I din go ask her advice for the personal statement and she insisted to have a look at my essay and wanted to check for me!!
But the true story wasn't been told and I'm the victim.
I feel so innocent you know..
And somemore!!
Ms Lim was the one that asked for my results first but the story turned out to be :
When I got my results I couldn't wait to show off so I just had to call Ms Lim to tell her my results.
That bitch said my daughter got so excellent result oso din say anything ah.....
It kinda hurt me.
I'm so innocent.
I dono when all these will stop.
And I blame myself for all these.
I couldnt talk to anyone.
No one would understand.
I dono what I had done that caused myself to suffer so much from this bitch.
I really dono what's wrong with her.
AUNTY!! CAN YOU STAY AWAY FROM MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!
I tell you what did that bitch do..
First of all, she couldnt stand it when I changed my course to Finance Maths..
When I decided to take Accounting and Finance you should see how she laughed under her pillow.
She knew that Acc and Finance is just another ordinary course that will not make you stand out when you graduate.
She knew that I'm not as hardworking or as intelligent as her precious daughter.
She knew I would never have the chance to beat her daughter.
Then now...
She just couldnt bear it when she knew I decided to take Finance Maths.
Cause she knew this course is definitely going to stand out in the future.
So what??!!!!
You care bout your own daughter shit then okay already la!!
Leave me alone can anot!!
And when she knew I'm going UTAR, she had to make the situation worse by saying how terrible is that place...
Not like her precious daughter in London!
And she had to boast to the whole world that her daughter had been awarded Maybank scholarship and now she's so rich she can treat my mom breakfast almost everyday!!
And you should see how she exaggerated!!
She said her daughter better don score straight As in A level cause she din have that amount of money to send her daughter out!
And when she knew her daughter got straight As she got a slight heart attack and had to go to the hospital to do check-up !!
And now when her daughter got the scholarship she just had to call back and said now her heart rate went back to normal.
Waaahhh...
I really want to ask her to go eat shiiiiiittttttt!!!!!!!!!!!
And last week her daughter had safely landed in UK and I can see all her calls from my mom's hp.
I knew she told my mom alot of stuff.
When my mom tried to start a conversation about her I just walked away pretended to be very busy.
I don want to know anything about her.
Unfortunately this afternoon when I followed my mom to visit her friend, which is also that woman's friend, that aunty all of a sudden talked about that bitch.
When they departed to UK their plane delayed half way and they got the chance to visit Dubai for a day.
And I had to pretend to be very happy and excited.
WHAT THE HELLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And from this bitch I realised something really cruel.
When I was like around 10 years old I went to this tuition with her daughter and I still keep contact with that teacher.
And just recently this bitch asked my mom how did my English become so weak that I had to find that teacher to help me with my personal statement.
She said her daughter's essay was so perfect that no one could write anything like that.
Her essay was so perfect that the uni had to accept her right away.
She( that bitch ) told my mom that MsLim (that teacher) said I had to go ask her help for my personal statement and my essay was very weak.
HEY HEY HEY!! COME ON!! I did go to ask her BUT BUT BUT it wasn't my will to go ask her okkay!
Ms Lim came to ask me why I din go ask her advice for the personal statement and she insisted to have a look at my essay and wanted to check for me!!
But the true story wasn't been told and I'm the victim.
I feel so innocent you know..
And somemore!!
Ms Lim was the one that asked for my results first but the story turned out to be :
When I got my results I couldn't wait to show off so I just had to call Ms Lim to tell her my results.
That bitch said my daughter got so excellent result oso din say anything ah.....
It kinda hurt me.
I'm so innocent.
I dono when all these will stop.
And I blame myself for all these.
I couldnt talk to anyone.
No one would understand.
My dear friends
My dear friends.. Please pray for me, pray that I will be accepted by HongKong Uni or Manchester. Please.. Pray hard for me.. If you love me and care for me then please pray for me too.. I really cannot imagine myself staying in UTAR for the next 3years..... Please my friends...... Help me...
Sunday, October 2, 2011
Mom's first experience on KTM
This would be the so far funniest thing ever happened.
I'm supposed to take the train from Ipoh to KL on the 2nd of October, which is yesterday to attend the U.S education fair at Hilton.
Then my mom said she wanted to go shopping also so we decided to drive up to KL.
And I'm the driver XD
We parked our car at Mid Valley and decided to take the KTM from Mid Valley to KL Central.
It's Sunday so anyone could imagine how pack is KL Central.
It's the first time my mom took the train so I don really hope to be her first and worst experience.
I took it alot of times especially with Engyi so we already used to the situation where everyone had to squeeze into the train because no one wants to wait for the next train which will definitely not be punctual.
Unfortunately when the train arrived, my mom's like 'HUH!! WHAT IS THIS!!'
The train's packed like hell.
I held my mom's hand and asked her to squeeze in no matter what.
We succeeded.
When the train started to move my mom was like ' Wah.. So slow one..'
Then the train started to stop, as usual. =.=
I'm used to this 'dono why stop in the middle' situation but for those who never take KTM would start to be worried.
Then my mom started to make all kinds of assumptions.
'Overloaded already izit, cannot move'
'Train also got traffic lights one meh'
And we couldn't stop laughing in the train.
The situation's just too hilarious.
And the train stopped twice and moved at a very low speed. I think I can walk faster than the train at his kind of speed.
When the train arrived at KLCentral, my mom was like ' faster faster! later the train closed the door!'
And she squeezed with the others trying to get out and it looked really funny.
I couldn't stop laughing when I got out of the train and my mom couldn't stop blaming me for taking her to this aweful place XD
Luckily Hilton's just right beside of KL Central.
The fair didn't help me much so we left earlier.
So we had to take the train again to go back to miv valley.
Ohya! When I was buying the tickets, an old lady suddenly approached me and asked me to give her 2 bucks.
I couldnt say no right, so I just gave her and quickly walked away.
The second trip was worse.
More people were taking this train like us. When I mean more I really mean alot more.
Asshole KTM. I don think there is a need to announce when the train will only arrived in another 10 minutes.
When the train arrived, the women were crazier than us.
We had to push and squeeze very very very hard to get in. Come on! Who wants to wait for another 30 min. Why cant they be more efficient like Taiwan!
My mom almost dropped her shoe when she got in XD
It's like at Taiwan's countdown celebration in the train.
And my mom started with her assumptions again and we started to laugh again in the train.
I think people really think we were mad.
'Sanba lao' XD
Then when the train finally reached mid valley, my mom kept saying 'faster go out ah! you squeeze out yourself la. I don1 get stucked in here ah' and she pushed her way out like there's a ten thousand dollar on the floor.
But the problem was I was stucked in the inside and I couldn't move unless the lady in front of me moved. But my mom didn't notice she was pulling my hair.
Can you imagine? My head trying to get out but my body couldn't move.
I almost tripped and then I just grabbed anything I could to stop myself falling and I didnt realise I had grabbed hold of a lady's wrist.
It was like having war inside.
Finally I managed to get out and we couldnt stop laughing when I tried to tell my mom what happened in the train.
Sometimes it's still better to have a car though parking is also another serious problem in KL.
I'm supposed to take the train from Ipoh to KL on the 2nd of October, which is yesterday to attend the U.S education fair at Hilton.
Then my mom said she wanted to go shopping also so we decided to drive up to KL.
And I'm the driver XD
We parked our car at Mid Valley and decided to take the KTM from Mid Valley to KL Central.
It's Sunday so anyone could imagine how pack is KL Central.
It's the first time my mom took the train so I don really hope to be her first and worst experience.
I took it alot of times especially with Engyi so we already used to the situation where everyone had to squeeze into the train because no one wants to wait for the next train which will definitely not be punctual.
Unfortunately when the train arrived, my mom's like 'HUH!! WHAT IS THIS!!'
The train's packed like hell.
I held my mom's hand and asked her to squeeze in no matter what.
We succeeded.
When the train started to move my mom was like ' Wah.. So slow one..'
Then the train started to stop, as usual. =.=
I'm used to this 'dono why stop in the middle' situation but for those who never take KTM would start to be worried.
Then my mom started to make all kinds of assumptions.
'Overloaded already izit, cannot move'
'Train also got traffic lights one meh'
And we couldn't stop laughing in the train.
The situation's just too hilarious.
And the train stopped twice and moved at a very low speed. I think I can walk faster than the train at his kind of speed.
When the train arrived at KLCentral, my mom was like ' faster faster! later the train closed the door!'
And she squeezed with the others trying to get out and it looked really funny.
I couldn't stop laughing when I got out of the train and my mom couldn't stop blaming me for taking her to this aweful place XD
Luckily Hilton's just right beside of KL Central.
The fair didn't help me much so we left earlier.
So we had to take the train again to go back to miv valley.
Ohya! When I was buying the tickets, an old lady suddenly approached me and asked me to give her 2 bucks.
I couldnt say no right, so I just gave her and quickly walked away.
The second trip was worse.
More people were taking this train like us. When I mean more I really mean alot more.
Asshole KTM. I don think there is a need to announce when the train will only arrived in another 10 minutes.
When the train arrived, the women were crazier than us.
We had to push and squeeze very very very hard to get in. Come on! Who wants to wait for another 30 min. Why cant they be more efficient like Taiwan!
My mom almost dropped her shoe when she got in XD
It's like at Taiwan's countdown celebration in the train.
And my mom started with her assumptions again and we started to laugh again in the train.
I think people really think we were mad.
'Sanba lao' XD
Then when the train finally reached mid valley, my mom kept saying 'faster go out ah! you squeeze out yourself la. I don1 get stucked in here ah' and she pushed her way out like there's a ten thousand dollar on the floor.
But the problem was I was stucked in the inside and I couldn't move unless the lady in front of me moved. But my mom didn't notice she was pulling my hair.
Can you imagine? My head trying to get out but my body couldn't move.
I almost tripped and then I just grabbed anything I could to stop myself falling and I didnt realise I had grabbed hold of a lady's wrist.
It was like having war inside.
Finally I managed to get out and we couldnt stop laughing when I tried to tell my mom what happened in the train.
Sometimes it's still better to have a car though parking is also another serious problem in KL.
Dining at Italiannies
I can tell you that I'm very easy to be satisfied. Just bring me to a place with excellent food and I'll be smiling all the way home. I'm serious.
I love Italiannies. Love it to the MAX!! I really love the food there. It's quite expensive but I think it's worth it. Their food all come in big portion and even someone that eats alot like me get satisfied.
My mom ordered tiramisu and I was like ' WHAT! ' but when I had my first taste I couldn't stop grinning.
Crazy asshole when I saw the price. A tiramisu costs RM20! But I can say they are not stingy with the portion. You can just order 1 tiramisu for lunch and you will be full until your dinner.
And their chicken marsala...... I guessed I'm just too easy being satisfied, aren't I?
Too bad I din get the picture.. I really think I should get myself a camera..
Anyway, driving to KL is really tiring..
I love Italiannies. Love it to the MAX!! I really love the food there. It's quite expensive but I think it's worth it. Their food all come in big portion and even someone that eats alot like me get satisfied.
My mom ordered tiramisu and I was like ' WHAT! ' but when I had my first taste I couldn't stop grinning.
Crazy asshole when I saw the price. A tiramisu costs RM20! But I can say they are not stingy with the portion. You can just order 1 tiramisu for lunch and you will be full until your dinner.
And their chicken marsala...... I guessed I'm just too easy being satisfied, aren't I?
Too bad I din get the picture.. I really think I should get myself a camera..
Anyway, driving to KL is really tiring..
This' what my personal statement's going to sound like but i reckoned it still needs further modification so anyone pleassseee help me out can?
I'm not from a rich family nor a high-class background. I had been taught the importance of money and how great they play a role in life. I bever doubt that everyone loves money just as I do. For generations, my family had been dealing with business. Most of my cousins that had graduated were also dealing with courses like accounting, finance, banking and business admin. It truly had affected me since I was young. In my 19years of life, I had come to apprehend a fundmental principle. This world is very realistic. Life is all about money and I reckoned the best and fastest way to earn money is to relate myself to business. It takes a bigger risk in the business world, I know but what is not risky in this world. Everyone is finding the best and fastest way to finish their studies and start working including myself as I know I cannot forever ask money from my parents. As I grow up, it's not only myself to be fed but also I have to take care of my parents. That's why I reckoned finance is very important. I reckoned choosing a good course and a good university is definitely a good start to a better job. I choose Finance Mathematics instead of Finance or Accounting and Finance or banking owing to the speciality of this course. I still get to study about Finance and get to touch on Maths which is my favourite subject. Of course, I wouldn't know what awaits me in the future but I reckoned taking Finance Maths is a good start. I fathom that tis is a tough course to take but I'm already prepared to acceot this challenge. I really hope that this great opportunity can be given to me to pursue my dreams in life. Thank you.
Friday, September 30, 2011
LET BYGONES BE BYGONES
This morning appeared to be a miracle to my parents as I woke up very early. I'm very ashamed to say this but everyday I wouldn't leave my bed unless it's noon. What could I do? I'm too lazy to flip the books or the newspapers. I had no assignments to rush or exams to deal with. All I wanted to do was more TV and more sleep and more food. This is a very bad sign. I'm not just rotting, I'm making lesser progress and I'm far behind everyone. So I forced myself to wake up early this morning for MCDONALD'S BREAKFAST.
Ive been doing abit of thinking this morning and I realised I'd lost myself because I was too concern for the others rather than myself. I'm too busy occupying myself with others' life style rather than myself. I've just realised I've been imitating other people's life style and forced myelf to become like them. And of course I failed so now I'm no where in the middle. Whenever I need to make decisions, I'll first ask myself what would she decide if it's her. But I shoud actually ask myself first right.
Haih. Now everyone found their aim and life purpose but i'm still here wandering around.
Yesterday mom gave me a few suggestions of what to do for my future.
She said alot. But actually I din really quite listen in what she said. Especially when you are in the car.
Then this morning all of a sudden I started asking myself what I actually want.
It's my life. It's my future.
I should really make a decision of my own.
Yes, it might turn out to be a wrong one or a 'not so good' decision but at least that's what i've chosen what I've decided. I will have no one to blame in the future and I will not regret ( well maybe abit but not much ) cause it's my decision. It's a plan I made myself.
So what if I fail. Not the end of the world.
It's time to stop dreaming.
It's time to say 'no' and 'yes'.
It's time to stop saying 'Whatever' and 'I dono'.
What have I learnt within these few months?
I have regretted for not scoring straight As in A-levels.
I don want to repeat the same mistakes.
What is past is past.
The days. The time. The opportunity.
It's time to wake up.
Time to wake up!
I will start learning from this day onwards.
I cannot already be a loser even when the war has not started yet.
God will help me through this.
I believe.
Ive been doing abit of thinking this morning and I realised I'd lost myself because I was too concern for the others rather than myself. I'm too busy occupying myself with others' life style rather than myself. I've just realised I've been imitating other people's life style and forced myelf to become like them. And of course I failed so now I'm no where in the middle. Whenever I need to make decisions, I'll first ask myself what would she decide if it's her. But I shoud actually ask myself first right.
Haih. Now everyone found their aim and life purpose but i'm still here wandering around.
Yesterday mom gave me a few suggestions of what to do for my future.
She said alot. But actually I din really quite listen in what she said. Especially when you are in the car.
Then this morning all of a sudden I started asking myself what I actually want.
It's my life. It's my future.
I should really make a decision of my own.
Yes, it might turn out to be a wrong one or a 'not so good' decision but at least that's what i've chosen what I've decided. I will have no one to blame in the future and I will not regret ( well maybe abit but not much ) cause it's my decision. It's a plan I made myself.
So what if I fail. Not the end of the world.
It's time to stop dreaming.
It's time to say 'no' and 'yes'.
It's time to stop saying 'Whatever' and 'I dono'.
What have I learnt within these few months?
I have regretted for not scoring straight As in A-levels.
I don want to repeat the same mistakes.
What is past is past.
The days. The time. The opportunity.
It's time to wake up.
Time to wake up!
I will start learning from this day onwards.
I cannot already be a loser even when the war has not started yet.
God will help me through this.
I believe.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Confession
I'd always envied her life.
But today I made a confession.
I'm born to lead a life of my own. A life that no one has.
I guessed we just ain't born on the same side or for the same purpose.
Why should I go after her tail all the time and blamed myself for not being someone like her?
She might be successful in that field and I'll never reach that part.
But so what!!
I don't give a damn cause from this day onwards I'll lead a life she's never going to manage.
I'll be successful in the field that she'll never reach.
We are different people.
I admit sometime in the future I might be envious for her life but I promise that feeling will never exceed 3 sec.
Because I'm NG WEN JIE.
And I always love myself.
But today I made a confession.
I'm born to lead a life of my own. A life that no one has.
I guessed we just ain't born on the same side or for the same purpose.
Why should I go after her tail all the time and blamed myself for not being someone like her?
She might be successful in that field and I'll never reach that part.
But so what!!
I don't give a damn cause from this day onwards I'll lead a life she's never going to manage.
I'll be successful in the field that she'll never reach.
We are different people.
I admit sometime in the future I might be envious for her life but I promise that feeling will never exceed 3 sec.
Because I'm NG WEN JIE.
And I always love myself.
Friday, September 9, 2011
Scums!
I can't believe these people really exist.
We were taught to respect our parents, love them, care for them.
It's all written in the moral text book,
AND ALSO carved in our hearts forever.
There might be arguments sometimes but then in the end of the day, no matter what happened, you still care for each other.
That's the human side in everyone.
Unless you lost that important side of yours, then you will called as a beast.
Even Damon has his human side.
I heard this pathetic story from my grandma and you know grandmas.
They always have alot of stories and they have plenty of time to get more stories.
But what i'm bout to say it's a real-life story.
Recently my grandma came and stayed with my family for a week.
Few days ago I brought grandma to visit her sister and my grandma came back telling me her sister's condition.
Grandma's sister is in a very bad situation cause her children don't give a damn to their mother.
She's very very old and obviously need extra care but her children don seem to care.
She had 9 children.
Two were looking after her,
one died,
one is working somewhere,
one is married somewhere,
two were given away to relatives because they were so poor last time,
one went away and married somewhere,
and one is very successful might I think he might as well go eat shit.
Let's start with the one that I think he might as well go eat shit.
Let's call him Scum1.
Scum1 was making business in his hometown but things went wrong and he had to announce bankruptcy.
He had to flee to KL to avoid all the loans.
So he and his family left the hometown and decided to start a new life in KL.
But they had nothing.
And we know you cant live in KL if you had nothing at all.
The mother, means my grandma's sister couldn't stand the son suffering so she and the other daughter (the one looking after my grandma's sister NOW) had to work very very hard and send money to the Scum1 son to continue his living in KL.
They worked like hell for Scum 1 son/brother and now the scum1 son/brother wanted to have nothing to do with the mother.
That ungrateful bastard.
Scum1 succeeded in his whatever business and led a very good life.
Plus his daughter is someone very famous in Malaysia and now the daughter is going to marry another man, also is very very very famous in Malaysia.
It means that they now lead a life that is so good that we cnt even imagine.
Is it that hard to send some money back to your mother?
When you had problem she din think of anything but to help you out.
And now when she had difficulties in life you can't even give a damn about her problems.
What kind of bastard are you?!
I know the son(scum1) is a bastard but I'm not sure if his daughter is another bitch like him.
Maybe he hid all these from her I dono, but I still think the family's a bastard.
And now scum1 and family lived happily ever after in their big 'mansion' and they can't even bother to ask the mom(my grandma's sis) to stay over for a few days.
Then for some reason the mother (my grandma's sis) had to come up to KL to attend something with the scum1's family.
When the mother saw how good is his son's life now but the son din give a damn to her life, she cried.
And the scum1 asked his mother to get away cause she's ruining the good celebration!
What the hell!
Damn him!
And he even told his sister (the one looking after my grandma's sis now) that he's not going to take the responsibility to take care of the mother.
And when scum1's daughter's getting married, the family couldn't bring the granddaughter and husband to the mother's house because they thought the small house is a disgrace to them because they are well-known people.
Go eat shit!!
What kind of people is this!
Like that treat the mother!
Damn heartbroken!
But of course he still had a little bit of human side in him.
Durin the big days like chinese new year he will send his momRM300.
So his mom would get RM600 a year.
Come on please.
That's my 2 month's expenses.
Plus the mom is old now and need to do all kinds of operation, she would need more money.
But the son just doesn't want to care.
Maybe scum1 thinks he should do some goodness or else he will be going to hell when he dies, so added a little bit more money to his mom. And it's really just a little bit.
Then with all the operations the mom left no money and now she still had to give some pocket money to the grandson-in-law.
So scum1's wife gave Rm300 to his mom to give to the grandson-in-law and as for the mother, no allowance for that month.
The mother couldn't work anymore as she's hittin 100.
The sister that looks after the mother almost hit 55 and she had worked her whole life for the brother and now she hurt her leg and she couldn't work.
And she spent her whole life working and she's still not married now.
I blamed the brother(scum1) for that.
All she could do now is clean the little anchovies for other people in the house to earn a lil money.
The other children were almost the same.
Left, married, couldn't bother to look after the mother.
She tried to search for the two children she gave away but failed as the relative was sid to have died long time ago.
So now, left two children behind that are willing to look after the mother.
But they have problem feeding themselves too.
But at least they still care for the mother.
It's just that we are depending on you because we know you now have the ability to look after mom.
Of course they won't go after to him and ask him to take care of the mother if he didn't have the ability.
Even outsiders feel sad when hearing this. We can imagine how the mother feels when her son is treating her this unbearable way.
I really hope that I could take care of her but I think when I have the ability she's far away in heaven already.
I really hope the son can do something good before it's too late.
We were taught to respect our parents, love them, care for them.
It's all written in the moral text book,
AND ALSO carved in our hearts forever.
There might be arguments sometimes but then in the end of the day, no matter what happened, you still care for each other.
That's the human side in everyone.
Unless you lost that important side of yours, then you will called as a beast.
Even Damon has his human side.
I heard this pathetic story from my grandma and you know grandmas.
They always have alot of stories and they have plenty of time to get more stories.
But what i'm bout to say it's a real-life story.
Recently my grandma came and stayed with my family for a week.
Few days ago I brought grandma to visit her sister and my grandma came back telling me her sister's condition.
Grandma's sister is in a very bad situation cause her children don't give a damn to their mother.
She's very very old and obviously need extra care but her children don seem to care.
She had 9 children.
Two were looking after her,
one died,
one is working somewhere,
one is married somewhere,
two were given away to relatives because they were so poor last time,
one went away and married somewhere,
and one is very successful might I think he might as well go eat shit.
Let's start with the one that I think he might as well go eat shit.
Let's call him Scum1.
Scum1 was making business in his hometown but things went wrong and he had to announce bankruptcy.
He had to flee to KL to avoid all the loans.
So he and his family left the hometown and decided to start a new life in KL.
But they had nothing.
And we know you cant live in KL if you had nothing at all.
The mother, means my grandma's sister couldn't stand the son suffering so she and the other daughter (the one looking after my grandma's sister NOW) had to work very very hard and send money to the Scum1 son to continue his living in KL.
They worked like hell for Scum 1 son/brother and now the scum1 son/brother wanted to have nothing to do with the mother.
That ungrateful bastard.
Scum1 succeeded in his whatever business and led a very good life.
Plus his daughter is someone very famous in Malaysia and now the daughter is going to marry another man, also is very very very famous in Malaysia.
It means that they now lead a life that is so good that we cnt even imagine.
Is it that hard to send some money back to your mother?
When you had problem she din think of anything but to help you out.
And now when she had difficulties in life you can't even give a damn about her problems.
What kind of bastard are you?!
I know the son(scum1) is a bastard but I'm not sure if his daughter is another bitch like him.
Maybe he hid all these from her I dono, but I still think the family's a bastard.
And now scum1 and family lived happily ever after in their big 'mansion' and they can't even bother to ask the mom(my grandma's sis) to stay over for a few days.
Then for some reason the mother (my grandma's sis) had to come up to KL to attend something with the scum1's family.
When the mother saw how good is his son's life now but the son din give a damn to her life, she cried.
And the scum1 asked his mother to get away cause she's ruining the good celebration!
What the hell!
Damn him!
And he even told his sister (the one looking after my grandma's sis now) that he's not going to take the responsibility to take care of the mother.
And when scum1's daughter's getting married, the family couldn't bring the granddaughter and husband to the mother's house because they thought the small house is a disgrace to them because they are well-known people.
Go eat shit!!
What kind of people is this!
Like that treat the mother!
Damn heartbroken!
But of course he still had a little bit of human side in him.
Durin the big days like chinese new year he will send his momRM300.
So his mom would get RM600 a year.
Come on please.
That's my 2 month's expenses.
Plus the mom is old now and need to do all kinds of operation, she would need more money.
But the son just doesn't want to care.
Maybe scum1 thinks he should do some goodness or else he will be going to hell when he dies, so added a little bit more money to his mom. And it's really just a little bit.
Then with all the operations the mom left no money and now she still had to give some pocket money to the grandson-in-law.
So scum1's wife gave Rm300 to his mom to give to the grandson-in-law and as for the mother, no allowance for that month.
The mother couldn't work anymore as she's hittin 100.
The sister that looks after the mother almost hit 55 and she had worked her whole life for the brother and now she hurt her leg and she couldn't work.
And she spent her whole life working and she's still not married now.
I blamed the brother(scum1) for that.
All she could do now is clean the little anchovies for other people in the house to earn a lil money.
The other children were almost the same.
Left, married, couldn't bother to look after the mother.
She tried to search for the two children she gave away but failed as the relative was sid to have died long time ago.
So now, left two children behind that are willing to look after the mother.
But they have problem feeding themselves too.
But at least they still care for the mother.
It's just that we are depending on you because we know you now have the ability to look after mom.
Of course they won't go after to him and ask him to take care of the mother if he didn't have the ability.
Even outsiders feel sad when hearing this. We can imagine how the mother feels when her son is treating her this unbearable way.
I really hope that I could take care of her but I think when I have the ability she's far away in heaven already.
I really hope the son can do something good before it's too late.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
My realisation
Studying in USA needs four years.
Four continuous years.
That's definitely not a problem for me.
I'm not someone that easily feel homesick.
But but but,
here comes the biggest problem of ALL.
I'd just calculated the expenses.
Everything.
Tuition, accommodation, transport, food.
I'll need RM840,000 approximately for that four years.
Make it Rm900,000.
Not to mention clothing and entertainment.
I guessed there won't be any entertainment anymore.
That is definitely a big sum.
Don forget I'm not the only person that needs to spend.
There is no way I can go there like that.
Four continuous years.
That's definitely not a problem for me.
I'm not someone that easily feel homesick.
But but but,
here comes the biggest problem of ALL.
I'd just calculated the expenses.
Everything.
Tuition, accommodation, transport, food.
I'll need RM840,000 approximately for that four years.
Make it Rm900,000.
Not to mention clothing and entertainment.
I guessed there won't be any entertainment anymore.
That is definitely a big sum.
Don forget I'm not the only person that needs to spend.
There is no way I can go there like that.
Monday, September 5, 2011
Her farewell
To be more accurate, I think that was the first time I had a farewell.
Farewell to my 7-year friend, Cheong Xinyi.
We din really have a good start cause 'The Smurfs' apparently had sold out and we were all forced to watch ' Cowboy and Aliens '.
It turned out to be a 'woooo, not bad, Daniel Craig is hottt' movie.
We went to Pasta house for lunch.
Then we went back to Shan Yuen's house with her Yellow Peugeot racing car :)
Meru Valley is a nice place but I prefer a noisier and bigger place like NEW YORK CITY X)
Anyway,
we decided to leave to have dinner somewhere before St. Patrick's .
At 530 we said going to depart.
At 600 we said going to depart.
At 630 we were still busy with the make ups.
At 700 Ivana was putting mascara for me.
At 730 we finally settled and left shan yuen's house.
Obviously it's very super late when we reached town, as in 'Green'town.
We saw chatime there but it's so cramped and the queue went almost to the street.
So we went to Movenpeak which was right infront of Chatime and had our dinner there.
Then we went to St. Patrick's bar.
Oh my gosh.
It can be defined as an 'older people' entertainment place.
Yier
And when we went in..... all those awkward moments and looks........
So embarrassing..
So we sat outside..
The service was like damn shit slow..
The drinks were like baby drinks..
Worst still was the songs.......
Speechless...
But I think we did enjoy that moment together..
Talking and laughing as loud as possible..
And I think I was the loudest cause xinyi kept poking my sensitive part, ie my tummy..
We spent there for few hours and many moms called for their daughters to go home.
Before we really separated, I wanted a goodbye hug.
I almost cried when I hugged xinyi so after 3sec I let go of her.
But when we all had our goodbye hugs and speeches and really going to leave,
I asked for one last goodbye hug and this time I really cried,
at the parking lot,
at the roadside.
I hugged her tightly and cried and the time seemed to have stopped for a little while
and I hear hong hein said 'Wenjie is drunk already.'
I know I'll miss her.
She's a good friend.
And we all know there are two kinds of hugs.
One is the 'AHHHHHHH!!!! Bla bla bla !!!!! I'll miss you!!!!' but silently in your heart will be ' what the hell, can you please let go and leave'.
The other kind is the one you cannot explain in words. You really miss her and you don have to announce to the whole world that you will miss her.
To be honest, I was the latter one.
I was quite impressed by myself cause I din know I had the 'humam' side.
I am not as cold blooded as I thought.
I'll see you again soon next year. Take care :)
Farewell to my 7-year friend, Cheong Xinyi.
We din really have a good start cause 'The Smurfs' apparently had sold out and we were all forced to watch ' Cowboy and Aliens '.
It turned out to be a 'woooo, not bad, Daniel Craig is hottt' movie.
We went to Pasta house for lunch.
Then we went back to Shan Yuen's house with her Yellow Peugeot racing car :)
Meru Valley is a nice place but I prefer a noisier and bigger place like NEW YORK CITY X)
Anyway,
we decided to leave to have dinner somewhere before St. Patrick's .
At 530 we said going to depart.
At 600 we said going to depart.
At 630 we were still busy with the make ups.
At 700 Ivana was putting mascara for me.
At 730 we finally settled and left shan yuen's house.
Obviously it's very super late when we reached town, as in 'Green'town.
We saw chatime there but it's so cramped and the queue went almost to the street.
So we went to Movenpeak which was right infront of Chatime and had our dinner there.
Then we went to St. Patrick's bar.
Oh my gosh.
It can be defined as an 'older people' entertainment place.
Yier
And when we went in..... all those awkward moments and looks........
So embarrassing..
So we sat outside..
The service was like damn shit slow..
The drinks were like baby drinks..
Worst still was the songs.......
Speechless...
But I think we did enjoy that moment together..
Talking and laughing as loud as possible..
And I think I was the loudest cause xinyi kept poking my sensitive part, ie my tummy..
We spent there for few hours and many moms called for their daughters to go home.
Before we really separated, I wanted a goodbye hug.
I almost cried when I hugged xinyi so after 3sec I let go of her.
But when we all had our goodbye hugs and speeches and really going to leave,
I asked for one last goodbye hug and this time I really cried,
at the parking lot,
at the roadside.
I hugged her tightly and cried and the time seemed to have stopped for a little while
and I hear hong hein said 'Wenjie is drunk already.'
I know I'll miss her.
She's a good friend.
And we all know there are two kinds of hugs.
One is the 'AHHHHHHH!!!! Bla bla bla !!!!! I'll miss you!!!!' but silently in your heart will be ' what the hell, can you please let go and leave'.
The other kind is the one you cannot explain in words. You really miss her and you don have to announce to the whole world that you will miss her.
To be honest, I was the latter one.
I was quite impressed by myself cause I din know I had the 'humam' side.
I am not as cold blooded as I thought.
I'll see you again soon next year. Take care :)
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
University of Manchester : Mathematics with Finance
University of Manchester
Mathematics with Finance (BSc)
- Degree awarded : BSc (Hons)
- 3 years
- Tuition Fees : £16700
- Aimed at mathematics students with a particular interest in financial systems
- Has a greater component of Accounting and Finance
- Topics presently covered include Financial Reporting and Investment Analysis
Bursary :
- AAA (including Maths and not counting General Studies), will be awarded a School Scholarship of £250 per year of study in Manchester
- AAA (including Mathematics, Further Maths but not counting General Studies), will be awarded a Manchester Success Scholarship of £500 per year of study in Manchester.
- International Mathematics Scholarships worth £1,500 for each year of study for all those who satisfy the mathematical component of their entrance requirement
- International Mathematical Excellence Scholarships for international applicants who have demonstrated overall academic excellence; these awards, which are in addition to those above, making a total of £3,000 for each year of study
Entry requirements :
- IELTS with an overall score of at least 6.5 (including a Writing score of at least 6.0 and no other component less than 5.5)
Mathematics with Finance (BSc)
- Degree awarded : BSc (Hons)
- 3 years
- Tuition Fees : £16700
- Aimed at mathematics students with a particular interest in financial systems
- Has a greater component of Accounting and Finance
- Topics presently covered include Financial Reporting and Investment Analysis
Bursary :
- AAA (including Maths and not counting General Studies), will be awarded a School Scholarship of £250 per year of study in Manchester
- AAA (including Mathematics, Further Maths but not counting General Studies), will be awarded a Manchester Success Scholarship of £500 per year of study in Manchester.
- International Mathematics Scholarships worth £1,500 for each year of study for all those who satisfy the mathematical component of their entrance requirement
- International Mathematical Excellence Scholarships for international applicants who have demonstrated overall academic excellence; these awards, which are in addition to those above, making a total of £3,000 for each year of study
Entry requirements :
- IELTS with an overall score of at least 6.5 (including a Writing score of at least 6.0 and no other component less than 5.5)
- A* (Mathematics) AB
- A (Mathematics) AA including aa in modules C3 and C4 of A level Mathematics
- A (Mathematics) AB including Further Maths A level
- A (Mathematics) AB plus A in Further Maths AS level including ab in either order in modules C3 and C4 of A level mathematics
-Interview required
-Aptitude Test required
Monday, August 29, 2011
More and more changes
Yesterday was a perfect morning.
A light breeze was blowing. No sun and no rain.
My parents planned to visit UTAR today.
I was reluctant to follow.
Not that I hate hate that place but I just simply dislike that place.
I dono why.
It's like if you said you want to visit that place it actually meant that you are doomed to that place.
I just don't want to study in UTAR.
Nobody seemed to understand why.
Nobody seemed to understand my feelings.
I want to fly okay.
I don want to stay in this....... place.
Many asked me what's the problem staying at local.
Yes! Studying at local is like shit to me.
I don want to stay here.
Nobody seemed to understand that.
Why am I not Paris Hilton?
Why din I get a scholarship like she did?
Why din I have parents like her?
Why din I have family like her?
The thought that I am doomed to this place forever is killing me in every single way.
My heart twitched when I think of that.
Consolation doesn't help.
I gave up on my US, then now my every opportunity to study overseas?
I gave up on Sunway because she was the one to say overseas' uni is better than a local uni in every way.
Then I found KDU's Manchester twining programme I was delighted.
But it took me several days to accept day.
And now?
I dono how many years do I have to take to convince myself to accept the fact that I cnt go oveseas and I have to stay in UTAR for 3 years.
That's a problem for me.
Okay!
I just cannot accept that!
And then the counsellor at UTAR introduced a better course than actuarial science, ie finance maths.
She said as long as I scored an A for A-levels' Maths, then I can have a try on this course rather than actuarial.
She said Actuarial is something rather dead and limited.
And you don have many choices when you come to work.
Finance maths is something wider and flexible.
That was what she said.
And I knew it.
My mom wanted me to take that course now.
And we all know a random course like that is rather hard to find in Malaysia.
That means I have to go Utar.
And they don allow any transfer or twining programme.
I really dono what to do now.
And now my mom couldnt stop the hastening. She wanted me to find details bout this course which made clear that she wants me take that course.
I dono if it is a good decision to make if I give up everything and opt for UTAR.
I dono if I am doin the right thing if I opt for Manchester.
I know if I insist to go Manchester they will eventually allow me to go.
What should I do now?
Nobody seemed to be giving the right advice or the right consolation.
Every word anybody said hurt me in every single way.
It's not like I have much time to spend on this problem.
I cannot miss the intake.
I wish God can help me.
I wish someone can help me.
A light breeze was blowing. No sun and no rain.
My parents planned to visit UTAR today.
I was reluctant to follow.
Not that I hate hate that place but I just simply dislike that place.
I dono why.
It's like if you said you want to visit that place it actually meant that you are doomed to that place.
I just don't want to study in UTAR.
Nobody seemed to understand why.
Nobody seemed to understand my feelings.
I want to fly okay.
I don want to stay in this....... place.
Many asked me what's the problem staying at local.
Yes! Studying at local is like shit to me.
I don want to stay here.
Nobody seemed to understand that.
Why am I not Paris Hilton?
Why din I get a scholarship like she did?
Why din I have parents like her?
Why din I have family like her?
The thought that I am doomed to this place forever is killing me in every single way.
My heart twitched when I think of that.
Consolation doesn't help.
I gave up on my US, then now my every opportunity to study overseas?
I gave up on Sunway because she was the one to say overseas' uni is better than a local uni in every way.
Then I found KDU's Manchester twining programme I was delighted.
But it took me several days to accept day.
And now?
I dono how many years do I have to take to convince myself to accept the fact that I cnt go oveseas and I have to stay in UTAR for 3 years.
That's a problem for me.
Okay!
I just cannot accept that!
And then the counsellor at UTAR introduced a better course than actuarial science, ie finance maths.
She said as long as I scored an A for A-levels' Maths, then I can have a try on this course rather than actuarial.
She said Actuarial is something rather dead and limited.
And you don have many choices when you come to work.
Finance maths is something wider and flexible.
That was what she said.
And I knew it.
My mom wanted me to take that course now.
And we all know a random course like that is rather hard to find in Malaysia.
That means I have to go Utar.
And they don allow any transfer or twining programme.
I really dono what to do now.
And now my mom couldnt stop the hastening. She wanted me to find details bout this course which made clear that she wants me take that course.
I dono if it is a good decision to make if I give up everything and opt for UTAR.
I dono if I am doin the right thing if I opt for Manchester.
I know if I insist to go Manchester they will eventually allow me to go.
What should I do now?
Nobody seemed to be giving the right advice or the right consolation.
Every word anybody said hurt me in every single way.
It's not like I have much time to spend on this problem.
I cannot miss the intake.
I wish God can help me.
I wish someone can help me.
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Random poses : Her first day of trip
I miss MED.
This' Melissa.
Sunway's chatime.
That's me.
Me.
Melissa.
Sunway's Manhattan Fish Market.
That's us.
I am cute! :)
Changes
I'm struggling through a very hard time now.
It's rough and harsh.
I cannot accept the fact that I had to once again change what I thought I am going to pursue.
I think many people go through this stage, just like me now.
Few years back I was still talking 'bout mass communication.
Then under some circumstances it changed to business and accountant.
But eventually under the influence of the entire class, I made up my mind to apply Law Degree.
I did a lot of convincing work to get the permission to allow for Law degree.
I convinced not only my mom,
I had to also convince myself that I am capable to pursue this route, a route that I had never in my life think of it before.
So, I got permitted.
And I completed all my applications
and from no where my mom had to put a pause sign in my life and asked me to stop and changed my direction.
The reason was taking Law was something that you would not clearly see your future after you completed the law degree, unless you are so committed to become a lawyer, which I was not.
So there is certainly no point to waste three years taking something that doesn't promise you a bright future. Plus the money 'invested' will be wasted.
My mom said I should consider something related to business.
But I was facing my trials so I din put much concern in it.
Then after my trials were my finals, the most important part.
To be honest, I din put exactly much effort in it which I supposed to be putting in.
Then after I graduated from A-levels, my mom and I went searching.
And the final answer was Accounting and Finance, or so I thought.
Then came the American Degree Programme which touched my heart so damn much I was so committed and prepared to go there.
But many problems came in and I had to stop my dreaming.
Eventually we went back to Accounting and Finance in KDU cause they offerd a twining programmed to Manchester.
I was allowed to go Manchester because of its football fame and Manchester appeared to be many smart people's second choice of university.
Then my results were released and I got my AAB and everyone was like 'Omg that is a very good result!'
Then I was pondering, this world is fake enough. I don feel happy hearing people said that.
As compromised, I got my AAB so I was allowed to go overseas to study.
But then things got rough because I'm not the kind of 'Paris Hilton' girl.
My father worked in Ipoh and it's not like a very very very big co and he has to feed another 4 people and with all the tuition fees here and there, we actually don left much.
It's not like we are poor poor but we cannot lead the 'ohh I'm hungry I want to order Dominos' life anymore.
Not to mention trips.
Then today, just now, my mom called me to her room and said we had to talk, and it's like seriously we had to talk.
She said after days of pondering and considering and planning and thinking, she thought that I should forget bout my Accounting and Finance, and opt for a better choice, ie Actuarial Science.
That was certainly a very big turning point.
I was like ' seriously? we are talking bout this now? '
The reason was Acc and Finance is just another common business course that everyone can take and it's not something worth to take.
She went on by saying something that hurt me in some way but yet so true.
It's not like we are paris hilton rich so whatever is invested for my future must be worth it.
Something more special and extraordinary and will lighten other's eyes.
Something more pro.
Yes! I was frowning my eyebrows all the time and brooding over what she said.
She continued to say something that surprised me.
Her friends thought that my results should take something more 'grant' or more pro.
I shouldn't waste my Alevels to take some common business course.
And we all know what happened when a group of ladies gathered round to discuss something.
Whatever the conclusion is, it has a very very big effect and it always is true.
So my mom said I should take Actuarial Science.
She has faith in me.
She said this is definitely something that I am capable of.
As long as I changed all my bad habits and learned to be more responsible and diligent, I can just sigh up for this course immediately.
THAT IS something we don hear everyday.
My mom praising me?
Something must have happened.
And now I am confused.
The last time I had made up my mind to go for acc and finance and now.......
I don like all these changes along.
It stirred up my mind, confused me in every single way, and the worst is I will never learn to make up my mind.
So it's definitely not my fault I'm always the last person to finish an order.
She asked me to think bout it but come on, we all knew that it meant ' I'll give you time to digest and then when you finish your digestion I'll bring you to the registration department. '
She said it's for the best.
I know she does everything that is good for me, in the present and future.
Because she's my mom.
She loves me, in her own way.
But sometimes, I cannot just accept the way she planned for me. I need to learn to make my own decision.
I think this is a situation like we went early to a shopping mall and there's too many parking available and we kept changing our parking places.
I hope someone can talk to me and help me through this.
And the only way to convince myself to accept this new path is my first BMW car that I'm going to buy when I had the money.
It's rough and harsh.
I cannot accept the fact that I had to once again change what I thought I am going to pursue.
I think many people go through this stage, just like me now.
Few years back I was still talking 'bout mass communication.
Then under some circumstances it changed to business and accountant.
But eventually under the influence of the entire class, I made up my mind to apply Law Degree.
I did a lot of convincing work to get the permission to allow for Law degree.
I convinced not only my mom,
I had to also convince myself that I am capable to pursue this route, a route that I had never in my life think of it before.
So, I got permitted.
And I completed all my applications
and from no where my mom had to put a pause sign in my life and asked me to stop and changed my direction.
The reason was taking Law was something that you would not clearly see your future after you completed the law degree, unless you are so committed to become a lawyer, which I was not.
So there is certainly no point to waste three years taking something that doesn't promise you a bright future. Plus the money 'invested' will be wasted.
My mom said I should consider something related to business.
But I was facing my trials so I din put much concern in it.
Then after my trials were my finals, the most important part.
To be honest, I din put exactly much effort in it which I supposed to be putting in.
Then after I graduated from A-levels, my mom and I went searching.
And the final answer was Accounting and Finance, or so I thought.
Then came the American Degree Programme which touched my heart so damn much I was so committed and prepared to go there.
But many problems came in and I had to stop my dreaming.
Eventually we went back to Accounting and Finance in KDU cause they offerd a twining programmed to Manchester.
I was allowed to go Manchester because of its football fame and Manchester appeared to be many smart people's second choice of university.
Then my results were released and I got my AAB and everyone was like 'Omg that is a very good result!'
Then I was pondering, this world is fake enough. I don feel happy hearing people said that.
As compromised, I got my AAB so I was allowed to go overseas to study.
But then things got rough because I'm not the kind of 'Paris Hilton' girl.
My father worked in Ipoh and it's not like a very very very big co and he has to feed another 4 people and with all the tuition fees here and there, we actually don left much.
It's not like we are poor poor but we cannot lead the 'ohh I'm hungry I want to order Dominos' life anymore.
Not to mention trips.
Then today, just now, my mom called me to her room and said we had to talk, and it's like seriously we had to talk.
She said after days of pondering and considering and planning and thinking, she thought that I should forget bout my Accounting and Finance, and opt for a better choice, ie Actuarial Science.
That was certainly a very big turning point.
I was like ' seriously? we are talking bout this now? '
The reason was Acc and Finance is just another common business course that everyone can take and it's not something worth to take.
She went on by saying something that hurt me in some way but yet so true.
It's not like we are paris hilton rich so whatever is invested for my future must be worth it.
Something more special and extraordinary and will lighten other's eyes.
Something more pro.
Yes! I was frowning my eyebrows all the time and brooding over what she said.
She continued to say something that surprised me.
Her friends thought that my results should take something more 'grant' or more pro.
I shouldn't waste my Alevels to take some common business course.
And we all know what happened when a group of ladies gathered round to discuss something.
Whatever the conclusion is, it has a very very big effect and it always is true.
So my mom said I should take Actuarial Science.
She has faith in me.
She said this is definitely something that I am capable of.
As long as I changed all my bad habits and learned to be more responsible and diligent, I can just sigh up for this course immediately.
THAT IS something we don hear everyday.
My mom praising me?
Something must have happened.
And now I am confused.
The last time I had made up my mind to go for acc and finance and now.......
I don like all these changes along.
It stirred up my mind, confused me in every single way, and the worst is I will never learn to make up my mind.
So it's definitely not my fault I'm always the last person to finish an order.
She asked me to think bout it but come on, we all knew that it meant ' I'll give you time to digest and then when you finish your digestion I'll bring you to the registration department. '
She said it's for the best.
I know she does everything that is good for me, in the present and future.
Because she's my mom.
She loves me, in her own way.
But sometimes, I cannot just accept the way she planned for me. I need to learn to make my own decision.
I think this is a situation like we went early to a shopping mall and there's too many parking available and we kept changing our parking places.
I hope someone can talk to me and help me through this.
And the only way to convince myself to accept this new path is my first BMW car that I'm going to buy when I had the money.
Disappointment
Recently, I had this great sudden urge to go to USA.
And my recently meant 2months ago.
I just had this great fondness for USA.
I think it's all 'bout the glamour.
But then I tried to convince everyone that I'm going there to learn their way of thinking and studying and managing things.
Deeeep down only I myself will know that it's all crap.
But I really want to go there.
To start a new life.
To learn new things.
To change and renew myself.
To become a better me.
Then Engyi gave me a good excuse.
She said I desperately wanted to go there maybe it's because I want to stay as far as possible away from Soda.
She'll be in UK living her UK life,
and I'll be in US living the NYorkers life style.
It's all bout glamour, isn't it?
And I tried to scratch bout every good thing bout US.
I knew I still have some pretty good convincing skills with me.
I knew if I could list out at least 20 good things bout studying in US,
my mom will definitely permit my US study 'trip'.
I did pray God for help.
I still have some conscience in me.
I don want to feel repentant in the future.
What if something went wrong?
Like.... I don't know.. Maybe Malaysians will start to have this bias thing bout US and I don get employed just because I graduated from US.....
Or maybe things go rough in the future or whatever it is.............I dono!
And then if I really choose this USA path, my alevels will be reckoned a waste.
It's not like 'I want to go and I will go now'.
It's not that easy.
Many problems have to be resolved.
Financial problem, time management problem, face problem, behavioural problem...
Plus not many people agreed and encouraged this path.
I think God helped me to figure out certain things.
I have to learn the hard way myself.
I'm not from a rich family that can send me overseas whenever and wherever I want.
Sometimes certain things just don't belong to you.
When you fail then you have to start asking yourself if this is what should be in your life.
I reckoned USA is not.
It's really very sad and disappointing.
It took me few days to finally give up.
Give up is a bad word.
So I thought maybe I couldn't study in US but I can work there in the future.
That's not the end.
I dono what awaits me in the future but I'm certain that US will be part of it.
:)
And my recently meant 2months ago.
I just had this great fondness for USA.
I think it's all 'bout the glamour.
But then I tried to convince everyone that I'm going there to learn their way of thinking and studying and managing things.
Deeeep down only I myself will know that it's all crap.
But I really want to go there.
To start a new life.
To learn new things.
To change and renew myself.
To become a better me.
Then Engyi gave me a good excuse.
She said I desperately wanted to go there maybe it's because I want to stay as far as possible away from Soda.
She'll be in UK living her UK life,
and I'll be in US living the NYorkers life style.
It's all bout glamour, isn't it?
And I tried to scratch bout every good thing bout US.
I knew I still have some pretty good convincing skills with me.
I knew if I could list out at least 20 good things bout studying in US,
my mom will definitely permit my US study 'trip'.
I did pray God for help.
I still have some conscience in me.
I don want to feel repentant in the future.
What if something went wrong?
Like.... I don't know.. Maybe Malaysians will start to have this bias thing bout US and I don get employed just because I graduated from US.....
Or maybe things go rough in the future or whatever it is.............I dono!
And then if I really choose this USA path, my alevels will be reckoned a waste.
It's not like 'I want to go and I will go now'.
It's not that easy.
Many problems have to be resolved.
Financial problem, time management problem, face problem, behavioural problem...
Plus not many people agreed and encouraged this path.
I think God helped me to figure out certain things.
I have to learn the hard way myself.
I'm not from a rich family that can send me overseas whenever and wherever I want.
Sometimes certain things just don't belong to you.
When you fail then you have to start asking yourself if this is what should be in your life.
I reckoned USA is not.
It's really very sad and disappointing.
It took me few days to finally give up.
Give up is a bad word.
So I thought maybe I couldn't study in US but I can work there in the future.
That's not the end.
I dono what awaits me in the future but I'm certain that US will be part of it.
:)
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Life will always be miserable with them around
I always like to put myself in a terrible predicament.
I knew exactly what are those 'things' that would hurt my pride, pierce my heart, make me feel like i'm the lowest ranked living thing in the world, and yet I still lead myself to these things.
Sometimes, these things unconsciously made me lose my faith and lead me to pessimism.
I just looooove to hurt myself, aren't I?
I know and I'd heard it a thousand times. A comparable life kills.
But that's what humans live for.
They compete, compare and judge.
I'm no difference between those home geeks that often stare into the com and wish they were born with those pretty big eyes and a huge breast with a tiny waist like Megan Fox or Gisele Bundchen.
I don want to be a home geek . T.T
All these started when I got bored and the next min i was scrolling through her blog page.
I can see that her life was spectacular and devastating.
I am envious? Yes.
Since the day she turned out she had insidiously affected me in every way.
Haih.
How I wish I had never in my life met these 2 persons.
I knew exactly what are those 'things' that would hurt my pride, pierce my heart, make me feel like i'm the lowest ranked living thing in the world, and yet I still lead myself to these things.
Sometimes, these things unconsciously made me lose my faith and lead me to pessimism.
I just looooove to hurt myself, aren't I?
I know and I'd heard it a thousand times. A comparable life kills.
But that's what humans live for.
They compete, compare and judge.
I'm no difference between those home geeks that often stare into the com and wish they were born with those pretty big eyes and a huge breast with a tiny waist like Megan Fox or Gisele Bundchen.
I don want to be a home geek . T.T
All these started when I got bored and the next min i was scrolling through her blog page.
I can see that her life was spectacular and devastating.
I am envious? Yes.
Since the day she turned out she had insidiously affected me in every way.
Haih.
How I wish I had never in my life met these 2 persons.
Friday, August 26, 2011
The day that tortured me to 'death' 11th of AUG
Today's the day that we all had to face with courage and nervousness and maybe a bit of happiness, disappointment or luck. At least I had to go through all these myself. Today's the day that tortured me almost to 'death'.
That's right. Alevels' results are going to be released on this perfect day at 8 in the morning.
At least that's what i was told. But in fact the result can be checked at 7am but obviously not many got that info so at 8 sharp the web was jamned by all the candidates all 'round the world. Plus the fact that my house's internet couldn't be accessed so I had to wait till I go to engyi's house to check at 9.
If it wasn't for that WOOMAN, I probably would go through less sufferings while waiting for my results.
I had a hunch,
ohhh,
shouldn't be a hunch,
I should say,
I am 200 perrceantt surrre that at any HOUR, any MIN or any SEC
that WOOMAN will find a nice cosy chair and take up her phone and dial my house number. ( or maybe she'll just skip the nice cosy chair part because she's just too desperate to tell me how well is her daughter's results)
I couldn't wait so I asked xinyi to help me with the internet.
I really owed her a lot as she had to stay in front of the com early in the morn and kept clicking the refresh button.
As far as I knew, no one in Ipoh could access into that webpage cause that wooman hadn't called my mom yet.
And then, I was right, I was so right.
That wooman finally called and it was before I got my results.
My heart was like 'wth wth wth omg omg omg' when my mom walked towards me and said ' She just called. Her daughter got the results.......... And she got 3As and 1B .. B for Maths..'
Every word that she told my mom and then my mom told me I could still remember freshly in my mind.
Last week she called and boasted she would die if she got a B. It's a disgrace to not get full As. And now who's calling to say her daughter accidentally scored a B in Maths and actually she already expected that she would score a B for maths. She's contradicting herself.
But since now it's a fact that her daughter got a B for Maths, she would have to stress how strong was all her daughter's As.
And there she was again, flaunting and boasting and giving every detail of her daughter's great success and making sure that we did not miss any word that she said.
How can a person be so brazen and unreasonable and in fact I couldnt find a perfect word to match her excessively evil acts.
Through her I got to know many people's results and that only made me more nervous.
My heart was 'bout to drop out of the mouth.
Thanks to her.
I was thinking that a person so assiduous like her daughter couldnt even get an A for Maths then for sure I'm doomed.
I rolled in my bed , I screamed silently, I flipped over the newspaper and pretend as if I was reading, I forgot to on the fan but yet I was feeling so damn cold inside.
And every hour passed and every half an hour I tried to call xinyi to ask 'bout my results but failed.
And I kept on waiting until almost 12pm and then I received a call from xinyi.
She shouted along the phone 'Wenjie! I got into the page! I saw your results!'
I screamed back 'OMG ! SERIOUS!'
I kept breathing air in and out heavily and finally said
'Whooh! Okay! Tell me!'
Then she shouted 'You got AAB!' with laughter at the other end of the phone.
And I went 'OMGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!! SERIOUS ANOT!! ARE YOU SURE IT'S MY NAME?!'
Omg!! Yes it's me!! I got AAB for my alevels!!
I know it's nothing compared to somebody's AAAB but at first I expected all Cs or Ds.
Well,
I din have much faith in myself. I din think I did well for Law and Econs.
And it's hard for me to score an A for econs as I already got a B for AS.
It's luck that got me a B for Econs cause I pretty suck in Econs.
Every night I pray to God hoping for a AAB and now I finally got it.
My mom and I reached a compromise that if I got AAA( or AAB ) I can choose any uni that I wish to apply to.
It was definitely the best part of the year when I heard of my results!
And after all the excitement passed, Engyi called and told me she got my results .
She tried to trick me but I had to pour her cold water as I already knew of my results.
But i'm still glad she called.
I don think my parents were very happy with the results I got but I feel that they were forced to feel satisfied with what I got.
I truly understand that .
Which parent does not hope that their children get full As especially when you have somebody like that woman with you .
So now I officially announced that my college life ended and now I have to start a new fresh uni life. A life without her affecting me.
That's right. Alevels' results are going to be released on this perfect day at 8 in the morning.
At least that's what i was told. But in fact the result can be checked at 7am but obviously not many got that info so at 8 sharp the web was jamned by all the candidates all 'round the world. Plus the fact that my house's internet couldn't be accessed so I had to wait till I go to engyi's house to check at 9.
If it wasn't for that WOOMAN, I probably would go through less sufferings while waiting for my results.
I had a hunch,
ohhh,
shouldn't be a hunch,
I should say,
I am 200 perrceantt surrre that at any HOUR, any MIN or any SEC
that WOOMAN will find a nice cosy chair and take up her phone and dial my house number. ( or maybe she'll just skip the nice cosy chair part because she's just too desperate to tell me how well is her daughter's results)
I couldn't wait so I asked xinyi to help me with the internet.
I really owed her a lot as she had to stay in front of the com early in the morn and kept clicking the refresh button.
As far as I knew, no one in Ipoh could access into that webpage cause that wooman hadn't called my mom yet.
And then, I was right, I was so right.
That wooman finally called and it was before I got my results.
My heart was like 'wth wth wth omg omg omg' when my mom walked towards me and said ' She just called. Her daughter got the results.......... And she got 3As and 1B .. B for Maths..'
Every word that she told my mom and then my mom told me I could still remember freshly in my mind.
Last week she called and boasted she would die if she got a B. It's a disgrace to not get full As. And now who's calling to say her daughter accidentally scored a B in Maths and actually she already expected that she would score a B for maths. She's contradicting herself.
But since now it's a fact that her daughter got a B for Maths, she would have to stress how strong was all her daughter's As.
And there she was again, flaunting and boasting and giving every detail of her daughter's great success and making sure that we did not miss any word that she said.
How can a person be so brazen and unreasonable and in fact I couldnt find a perfect word to match her excessively evil acts.
Through her I got to know many people's results and that only made me more nervous.
My heart was 'bout to drop out of the mouth.
Thanks to her.
I was thinking that a person so assiduous like her daughter couldnt even get an A for Maths then for sure I'm doomed.
I rolled in my bed , I screamed silently, I flipped over the newspaper and pretend as if I was reading, I forgot to on the fan but yet I was feeling so damn cold inside.
And every hour passed and every half an hour I tried to call xinyi to ask 'bout my results but failed.
And I kept on waiting until almost 12pm and then I received a call from xinyi.
She shouted along the phone 'Wenjie! I got into the page! I saw your results!'
I screamed back 'OMG ! SERIOUS!'
I kept breathing air in and out heavily and finally said
'Whooh! Okay! Tell me!'
Then she shouted 'You got AAB!' with laughter at the other end of the phone.
And I went 'OMGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!! SERIOUS ANOT!! ARE YOU SURE IT'S MY NAME?!'
Omg!! Yes it's me!! I got AAB for my alevels!!
I know it's nothing compared to somebody's AAAB but at first I expected all Cs or Ds.
Well,
I din have much faith in myself. I din think I did well for Law and Econs.
And it's hard for me to score an A for econs as I already got a B for AS.
It's luck that got me a B for Econs cause I pretty suck in Econs.
Every night I pray to God hoping for a AAB and now I finally got it.
My mom and I reached a compromise that if I got AAA( or AAB ) I can choose any uni that I wish to apply to.
It was definitely the best part of the year when I heard of my results!
And after all the excitement passed, Engyi called and told me she got my results .
She tried to trick me but I had to pour her cold water as I already knew of my results.
But i'm still glad she called.
I don think my parents were very happy with the results I got but I feel that they were forced to feel satisfied with what I got.
I truly understand that .
Which parent does not hope that their children get full As especially when you have somebody like that woman with you .
So now I officially announced that my college life ended and now I have to start a new fresh uni life. A life without her affecting me.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Fat Ass Pig
Dear diary, recently i have been so lost. Not to say lost, actually I think the actual word is 'lifeless'. So, my college ended 2 weeks ago. And here comes my 'after college life 3months long break'. So called. And everyday I stucked myself with dramas and more dramas and more dramas. I will not sleep unless it's after 4am and I will not wake uo unless it's after 12pm. Oh gawd, I hate this life. It's miserable. It's like practically announcing ' Ng Wen Jie is a widow ' . Do you know HOW MANY TIMES I RE-WATCH THAT VAMPIRE DRAMA! I know, there is actually plenty of stuff waiting for me to be done but yet I just feel so lazy to even look at them. I'm slacking. A lot. I gave promises I couldnt make. All the time. I'm just like a grown-up that just broke up with the boyfriend and at the same time lost her job also. And everyday I could only think of eat shit and sleep. What should I do? really. I wrote thousand times of 'You must start changing', but it's definitely not helping AT ALL! It's just to make you feel better in anpther way.
Anyway. Engyi's bd is coming and I haven prepared a thing. Oh GOD, please bless me. Please do help me. Thank you.
Anyway. Engyi's bd is coming and I haven prepared a thing. Oh GOD, please bless me. Please do help me. Thank you.
Friday, May 27, 2011
My BIG Day
So, so, so, so, so,
Today's the big day.
My big day.
But also the day my mom suffered the most.
So thanks mom, for bringin me to this world,
And daddy too,
I LOVE YOU.
And thanks GOD, I LOVE YOU TOO GOD!
Big day, bad morning.
Very very bad.
Couz today's the day i'm havin my Law paper !!!!!!
Disaster! Spoil mood! Kill joy! Annoyin!!
Law was like....... WTH!! WAT KIND OF QUESTION IS THAT!!
So damn tough!! I spent most of my time decidin which question to do rather than answerin the question!! So hard to analyse !!
Anyway..
Engyee was the 1st one that wished me birthday
Engyee was the 1st one that wished me birthday
And also the first one that gave me my present.
The day before my birthday,
around 10pm,
I couldn wait so I asked her to just give me my present.
She wrapped 3 presents.
1 was an umbrella, 1 was a cup, but the one that had the nicest wrappin was just a con.
I thoght that was it.
She asked me not to expect so much.
I admit it's a bit out of expectation
But i do like the presents.
In case in the future anyone of us forgot,
she said she gave me a cup couz mine's like goin to break anytime,
and I wanted an umbrella also.
So,
this mornin,
I received lots of hugs,
from Su Huei, Jiaway and Wei Lynn. ( not really much though )
After the paper,
Su Huei said she wanted to treat me a cup of starbucks,
as my present :)
Then I went back home.
Yup.
That's it.
Nothing else.
I tried to convince myself that today is not some special day.
Wat's so special.
Just a birthday.
So what.
I watched a whole afternoon of movies and went online.
Around 5pm,
Jiaway came.
She wanted to borrow our bathroom.
I was surprised to see she come with a flower.
I'm really touched. Seriously.
At least she really had the heart.
:)
I was quite annoyed because Engyee said she's havin dinner with NGG tonight.
She did ask me beore this that whether i want her to cancel the date and hav dinner with me.
I said no need.
If you really have the heart then in the first place you won agree to go out with him.
I rather celebrate alone.
Then around 6pm,
Ru wen and Serene went out for dinner.
Then around 7pm,
I changed to go out.
I still think I need a cake couz I want to make a wish.
So off i went,
alone
walkin in the streets
cursing NGG(just kiddin)
blamin Engyee.......
this and that
..
and I bought myself 1 slice of chocolate mousse cake from RT bakery shop.
This cake cost me RM 5!!!!!!!! Crazy asshole..
When I reached home,
it was ridiculously dark outside.
When i opened the door
it was locked.
I was like wth
who locked the inner door,
couz we usually don lock the inner door,
and now in the dark i have to try with all the keys to open the door.
I wanted to call Ru wen but I dono why at that particular moment,
I just din make that call.
The hp was already in my hand but I just din make the phone call.
When I was tryin to open the door,
all of a sudden the door is opened,
and guess what,
it's dark inside and someone's holdin a cake and someone's singin the bd song and soneone else sayin surprise!
So
there was a surprise party planned after all.
I was stunned
I was surprised
I was shocked
(Engyee said too bad I din cry)
I was touched.
I didn't know what kind of reaction should i give.
so i just kept sayin 'thanks' 'wow' ' i'm really very happy'
Of couz seriously i'm very very happy too.
Engyee bought me a chocolate mousse too.
A bigger one of couz.
I blew the candles in front of engyee's face!! XDDDDDDD
She forgot to ask me to turn to another direction to blow the cake.
She was holdin the cake and placed it in front of me and just asked me to blow the cndles
So without second thoughts I just blew the candles and all the fumes blew right to her face!!
I'm so sorry to her.
We all laughed.....
So this is me with my 19th birthday cake.
And so
I made a wish,
3 wishes actually.
1st one : I hope that I will make lots of frens this year.
2nd one : I hope I will be a happy person.
3rd one : Get full A's for A levels!
Amen.
That's me cuttin the cake.
ONLY DUMMY CUT THIS CAKE!
GOD BLESS YOU ! :)
Then later we went sky village.
The best part was when I was full like shit..
Chiat Ying suddenly called me and said we are goin to out eat later.
I was like..seriously??
Eventually i went out also..
So we decided to go wong kok.
They hav birthday promo but I din bring my ic out.
Brilliant me.
They were like wth Ng wenjie!!
But then later i suddenly said I want to drink beer.
So we changed venue again.
We walked few places outside sunway p.
Then I saw Ng Kai Jin.
I tell you.
It's really fake when I see her.
I screamed very loud 'Ng Kai Jin',
then she was like 'AHHHHHH!!!!!'
Then I was like ' AHHHH!' too.
Then she ran to me and we hugged.
So damn fake.
She's with her boyffie and fren.
We talked for a short little while.
Vivian was like wavin behind her askin me to leave XD
I bet her fren's doin the same thing oso behind my back.
Actu i felt bit regret not dressing out properly.
I was wearing a converse lose t shirt wid an old pink shorts and a pair of cotton on slippers.
Without make up.
Plus my hair was like shit that night.
Haih.
After so long din see 1st expression was spoilt.
Viv and Cy said kaijin's pretty.
Then eventually we went back to 'Forest Rain'.
And we changed seats like 100 times already.
Finally I said " Stop changin! We just sit here! "
W e ordered 1 jug of carlsberg draught.
W e ordered 1 jug of carlsberg draught.
It doesnt taste that well.
I drank like 5 glass.
Bunta drank the most.
Cy just had 2 sips i think.
Viv not bad. She got 3 glass for herself.
We took pictures and after sittin for like an hour we left.
I was gettin bit drunk and dizzy.
The worst thing was I texted Looi Han Yuan when I was not really conscious.
I felt bit regret after that.
Then we left Sunway bt we din go home.
We went to hav supper supper at WINGS.
They sang me a birthday song there couz viv wrote a message to me when she dedicated a song.
I dono wat's my feelin at that moment.
Cannot say it's happy but cannot said it's annoyin oso.
Then I had my kenangan terindah sung.
I think i could sing better than the guy.
I ordered a cup of tea which really calmed me down and took away the drunkenness..
But that tea cost me 10 bucks!! Doesnt even taste good.. :p
Then finally,
we sat till around 130am when pple really hav to close already.
Then Bunta took us back home.
So,
that's how I celebrated my 19th birthday.
Not bad though.
This is the cake viv and cy bought me.
No presents though.
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