Yesterday was a perfect morning.
A light breeze was blowing. No sun and no rain.
My parents planned to visit UTAR today.
I was reluctant to follow.
Not that I hate hate that place but I just simply dislike that place.
I dono why.
It's like if you said you want to visit that place it actually meant that you are doomed to that place.
I just don't want to study in UTAR.
Nobody seemed to understand why.
Nobody seemed to understand my feelings.
I want to fly okay.
I don want to stay in this....... place.
Many asked me what's the problem staying at local.
Yes! Studying at local is like shit to me.
I don want to stay here.
Nobody seemed to understand that.
Why am I not Paris Hilton?
Why din I get a scholarship like she did?
Why din I have parents like her?
Why din I have family like her?
The thought that I am doomed to this place forever is killing me in every single way.
My heart twitched when I think of that.
Consolation doesn't help.
I gave up on my US, then now my every opportunity to study overseas?
I gave up on Sunway because she was the one to say overseas' uni is better than a local uni in every way.
Then I found KDU's Manchester twining programme I was delighted.
But it took me several days to accept day.
And now?
I dono how many years do I have to take to convince myself to accept the fact that I cnt go oveseas and I have to stay in UTAR for 3 years.
That's a problem for me.
Okay!
I just cannot accept that!
And then the counsellor at UTAR introduced a better course than actuarial science, ie finance maths.
She said as long as I scored an A for A-levels' Maths, then I can have a try on this course rather than actuarial.
She said Actuarial is something rather dead and limited.
And you don have many choices when you come to work.
Finance maths is something wider and flexible.
That was what she said.
And I knew it.
My mom wanted me to take that course now.
And we all know a random course like that is rather hard to find in Malaysia.
That means I have to go Utar.
And they don allow any transfer or twining programme.
I really dono what to do now.
And now my mom couldnt stop the hastening. She wanted me to find details bout this course which made clear that she wants me take that course.
I dono if it is a good decision to make if I give up everything and opt for UTAR.
I dono if I am doin the right thing if I opt for Manchester.
I know if I insist to go Manchester they will eventually allow me to go.
What should I do now?
Nobody seemed to be giving the right advice or the right consolation.
Every word anybody said hurt me in every single way.
It's not like I have much time to spend on this problem.
I cannot miss the intake.
I wish God can help me.
I wish someone can help me.
