Sometimes you never know in life who will suddenly appear and give you a hand.
Friends are mostly the reasons that keep your life going, other than your family.
Comfort that you never found from family, you can always find it from your friends.
I was helpless and clueless.
I don't know my way.
I just know I am a failure now, and people who fail have no rights to request, they only can accept.
''What should I do now??'' is mostly the biggest question in my mind right now.
I'm seriously not matured or bright enough to not think of any answers to this question.
All of a sudden, my mom asked me if ''ADP is the choice that I want. If yes, then I will go to Taylor's tomorrow, morning, alone, by train and gather info and start registering.''
I went upstairs got too tired and fell asleep.
When I woke up, I started texting people.
I texted Vivian and Jiaway to tell them I am coming tomorrow and if they are free.
I texted Kai Jin to ask her where does her boffie stay couz he's from Taylor's also.
Then I stopped.
I started asking myself what am I doing.
I'm blurred, like gone crazy.
I cannot think of a thing.
My mind is empty.
Then Kai Jin said she's going to KL on Friday and if I want to go with her.
Jiaway replied and said she can bring me around after Friday and I can stay at her house temporary.
Viv said I'm crazy for taking ADP.
After a while my phone rang. Jiaway called. I'm surprised. I'm surprised that she called and I answered that call.
She wanted to be told of the whole story, the factors that lead to this situation now.
I started off by telling her bout Soda.
The conversation ended after 2 hours and the last thing she wanted me to do is to think the reason that I want to go US.
And now I started to re-think(if there's such word) my decision.
I choose Mathematics as a major and not other kili-kala courses because I'm not good in words.
I realized that when I took A-levels.
It's advisable to take Mathematics as a major.
And I had decided the course that I want to take and I will never regret cause I am saying to the world now : '' Mathematics is what I choose, not my mom, she just suggested. I want MATHEMATICS!! I LIKE MATHEMATICS!! ''
I rejected UTAR cause :
1. I cannot learn to speak English there.
2. Cannot go overseas.
3. Environment not what I'm willing to have
4. Soda's mom will look down upon me
I rejected UK :
1. Lazy to write personal statement
2. Passed deadline
3. Soda's there.
4. Not eligible to apply
NUS and HONG KONG probably will reject me also.
I choose US because:
1. My mind is clear of all these unwanted trouble and pressure although this is just what I thought.
2. Can start all over again and proof to the whole world I can be strong too.
3. I want to learn to be strong and tough at US.
4, I want to make sure that I am capable of handling diff situation and adapting to the new envir.
5. I can choose whatever major that I like.
6. I can speak English.
7. I can save money and buy a branded bag for my mummy and proof that I can do better.
I considered all over again and conclusion is : I want to go US is because I want to be strong!
And if I miss this opportunity again I might as well go die.
And I am serious because I cant evern suceed in one single thing.
Just like mom said ' I am a failure.'
Jiaway said : learn from your mistakes. Very true.
Jiaway said : Make your own decidion. Your very own decision. You decide that youself.
Jiaway said : If it's your own decision, never say you regret in the future.
Mom scolded me today. Everything she said was hurting much but true.
Why am I so lazy? I never care. I have very serious attitude problem.
Maybe I havent find a persuasive enough reason to go to US but my final decision is going to US to finish my studies.
Very tought. Start all over again.
BUT I WILL NOT REGRET!!
THIS IS WHAT I WANT.
I WILL NOT REGRET !! US!!
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Sunday, January 15, 2012
New job
So I started working at JJ's Sushi King like 10 days ago. Working full-time is really killin me. Eight hours of working everyday and 1hour break in between. And Sushi King's like every 30 min there will be customers coming in. It's crazy. The workload is tremendously heavy.
It's not like working's a bad thing but I really fail to do many other things that are equally important. After work I could be really exhausted that I went to bed staright away w/o cleaning up myself.
I have to keep track with my universities' application but I'm too tired to care about anything.
Unfortunately I missed Beijing's application and I am very very upset though they said I am not eligible to apply cause I did not score straight As. I went for the interview for Hong Kong U last Saturday and after the group interview I already knew I will not be the chosen one. Among 300++ of students they just want 30?? Besides, from the look of the interviewer, I can say he did not favour me much.
Now I have to aim for Victoria U, U in UK and finally US. I know that my parents are reluctant to send me to US but they don't want me to stay studying locally also. Haih. I regretted for not studying hard for A-levels.
Anyway, back to my new job. It's really complicated working there. First, that place is ridiculously strict. The accumulated hours that I came to work late if it's more than 15 min my salary will be reduced by RM60!! Damn it!! And my colleague told me it doesnt matter what I do I had lost that RM60 already!! It's so sad!!!!!!! And they don allow frens to punch your card for you. Damn it!!
Fine!! What else can I do!! The nature of procratination is in me!!
Most of the crew are younger than me. Well some are same age but honestly, no HOTTIE..
Not even one.
There's even a malay guy who looks like a frog and I said it not because I hate him but my collegues agreed to that also.
Damn it!! The malay guys in there are very rude. I mean not ALL but some.
There's this guy, the servive leader, a Malay, he's insane, he likes to take advantage on females, as in really taking advantage, like go near you, touch you and make it look as if it's not done on purpose, flirt with you... these kind of stuff. It's very very very annoying and he has a really bad body odour.
Urgh. I just ignore him as in really IGNORE IGNORE. Like when he calls I pretend like I din hear anything and I make sure I am 2 metres far away from him even when we talk.
And then there's this guy, the one who looks like a frog, a Malay, he likes to insruct people to do this do that and I don think he has any position, well even he hassss, it's a very very small unsignificant one!! I mean like he's already taken the food on the tray out from the kitchen and walking towards the customers and I passed by him and he HAD TO PASS THE TRAY TO ME AND ASK ME TO SEND THE FOOD??! I mean not that I'm unwilling to send the food but why can't you do it yourself just for ONCE!! AND it's not like he's very busy with something else!!
And then the worst!! I called her the barbarian bitch!! A malay female. I don think she has a position but she's considered as a SENIOR as she came in earlier than all of us. At first, she was nice to be with you. Gradually, she's like having PMS or something. She kept showing weird attitudes and I think she's really ill-tempered. There's a bit of misunderstanding between us (the chinese gangs) and her. The next day I tried to befriend her but she ignored me. So FINE!! SO WHAT!! I'm going to end this ridiculous job after 2 months!! Who cares bout her.
The second worst thing of this job is the uniform. I really hate the uniform!! Black shoes that you have to wear whole day and must be comfortable?? I had no choice but to wear the school black shoes which look soooo damn childish on me. Then there's the head scarf. No hair should be seen on the face. Clean and clear. Damn it! My face is already big enough and yet you are asking me to hide my fringe and show my whole face which is my weakest point??!!! Damn it!! I had to keep telling myself it's okay I'm working to buy my Chanel and ALDO. Everything is worth the pain and sufferings.
Haih.. So many problems to be dealt with. And also I fail to lose weight and CNY is coming. Working is tiring so I really eat ALOT!! What can I do?? I really miss my friends after started working.
It's not like working's a bad thing but I really fail to do many other things that are equally important. After work I could be really exhausted that I went to bed staright away w/o cleaning up myself.
I have to keep track with my universities' application but I'm too tired to care about anything.
Unfortunately I missed Beijing's application and I am very very upset though they said I am not eligible to apply cause I did not score straight As. I went for the interview for Hong Kong U last Saturday and after the group interview I already knew I will not be the chosen one. Among 300++ of students they just want 30?? Besides, from the look of the interviewer, I can say he did not favour me much.
Now I have to aim for Victoria U, U in UK and finally US. I know that my parents are reluctant to send me to US but they don't want me to stay studying locally also. Haih. I regretted for not studying hard for A-levels.
Anyway, back to my new job. It's really complicated working there. First, that place is ridiculously strict. The accumulated hours that I came to work late if it's more than 15 min my salary will be reduced by RM60!! Damn it!! And my colleague told me it doesnt matter what I do I had lost that RM60 already!! It's so sad!!!!!!! And they don allow frens to punch your card for you. Damn it!!
Fine!! What else can I do!! The nature of procratination is in me!!
Most of the crew are younger than me. Well some are same age but honestly, no HOTTIE..
Not even one.
There's even a malay guy who looks like a frog and I said it not because I hate him but my collegues agreed to that also.
Damn it!! The malay guys in there are very rude. I mean not ALL but some.
There's this guy, the servive leader, a Malay, he's insane, he likes to take advantage on females, as in really taking advantage, like go near you, touch you and make it look as if it's not done on purpose, flirt with you... these kind of stuff. It's very very very annoying and he has a really bad body odour.
Urgh. I just ignore him as in really IGNORE IGNORE. Like when he calls I pretend like I din hear anything and I make sure I am 2 metres far away from him even when we talk.
And then there's this guy, the one who looks like a frog, a Malay, he likes to insruct people to do this do that and I don think he has any position, well even he hassss, it's a very very small unsignificant one!! I mean like he's already taken the food on the tray out from the kitchen and walking towards the customers and I passed by him and he HAD TO PASS THE TRAY TO ME AND ASK ME TO SEND THE FOOD??! I mean not that I'm unwilling to send the food but why can't you do it yourself just for ONCE!! AND it's not like he's very busy with something else!!
And then the worst!! I called her the barbarian bitch!! A malay female. I don think she has a position but she's considered as a SENIOR as she came in earlier than all of us. At first, she was nice to be with you. Gradually, she's like having PMS or something. She kept showing weird attitudes and I think she's really ill-tempered. There's a bit of misunderstanding between us (the chinese gangs) and her. The next day I tried to befriend her but she ignored me. So FINE!! SO WHAT!! I'm going to end this ridiculous job after 2 months!! Who cares bout her.
The second worst thing of this job is the uniform. I really hate the uniform!! Black shoes that you have to wear whole day and must be comfortable?? I had no choice but to wear the school black shoes which look soooo damn childish on me. Then there's the head scarf. No hair should be seen on the face. Clean and clear. Damn it! My face is already big enough and yet you are asking me to hide my fringe and show my whole face which is my weakest point??!!! Damn it!! I had to keep telling myself it's okay I'm working to buy my Chanel and ALDO. Everything is worth the pain and sufferings.
Haih.. So many problems to be dealt with. And also I fail to lose weight and CNY is coming. Working is tiring so I really eat ALOT!! What can I do?? I really miss my friends after started working.
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