This morning appeared to be a miracle to my parents as I woke up very early. I'm very ashamed to say this but everyday I wouldn't leave my bed unless it's noon. What could I do? I'm too lazy to flip the books or the newspapers. I had no assignments to rush or exams to deal with. All I wanted to do was more TV and more sleep and more food. This is a very bad sign. I'm not just rotting, I'm making lesser progress and I'm far behind everyone. So I forced myself to wake up early this morning for MCDONALD'S BREAKFAST.
Ive been doing abit of thinking this morning and I realised I'd lost myself because I was too concern for the others rather than myself. I'm too busy occupying myself with others' life style rather than myself. I've just realised I've been imitating other people's life style and forced myelf to become like them. And of course I failed so now I'm no where in the middle. Whenever I need to make decisions, I'll first ask myself what would she decide if it's her. But I shoud actually ask myself first right.
Haih. Now everyone found their aim and life purpose but i'm still here wandering around.
Yesterday mom gave me a few suggestions of what to do for my future.
She said alot. But actually I din really quite listen in what she said. Especially when you are in the car.
Then this morning all of a sudden I started asking myself what I actually want.
It's my life. It's my future.
I should really make a decision of my own.
Yes, it might turn out to be a wrong one or a 'not so good' decision but at least that's what i've chosen what I've decided. I will have no one to blame in the future and I will not regret ( well maybe abit but not much ) cause it's my decision. It's a plan I made myself.
So what if I fail. Not the end of the world.
It's time to stop dreaming.
It's time to say 'no' and 'yes'.
It's time to stop saying 'Whatever' and 'I dono'.
What have I learnt within these few months?
I have regretted for not scoring straight As in A-levels.
I don want to repeat the same mistakes.
What is past is past.
The days. The time. The opportunity.
It's time to wake up.
Time to wake up!
I will start learning from this day onwards.
I cannot already be a loser even when the war has not started yet.
God will help me through this.
I believe.
Friday, September 30, 2011
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Confession
I'd always envied her life.
But today I made a confession.
I'm born to lead a life of my own. A life that no one has.
I guessed we just ain't born on the same side or for the same purpose.
Why should I go after her tail all the time and blamed myself for not being someone like her?
She might be successful in that field and I'll never reach that part.
But so what!!
I don't give a damn cause from this day onwards I'll lead a life she's never going to manage.
I'll be successful in the field that she'll never reach.
We are different people.
I admit sometime in the future I might be envious for her life but I promise that feeling will never exceed 3 sec.
Because I'm NG WEN JIE.
And I always love myself.
But today I made a confession.
I'm born to lead a life of my own. A life that no one has.
I guessed we just ain't born on the same side or for the same purpose.
Why should I go after her tail all the time and blamed myself for not being someone like her?
She might be successful in that field and I'll never reach that part.
But so what!!
I don't give a damn cause from this day onwards I'll lead a life she's never going to manage.
I'll be successful in the field that she'll never reach.
We are different people.
I admit sometime in the future I might be envious for her life but I promise that feeling will never exceed 3 sec.
Because I'm NG WEN JIE.
And I always love myself.
Friday, September 9, 2011
Scums!
I can't believe these people really exist.
We were taught to respect our parents, love them, care for them.
It's all written in the moral text book,
AND ALSO carved in our hearts forever.
There might be arguments sometimes but then in the end of the day, no matter what happened, you still care for each other.
That's the human side in everyone.
Unless you lost that important side of yours, then you will called as a beast.
Even Damon has his human side.
I heard this pathetic story from my grandma and you know grandmas.
They always have alot of stories and they have plenty of time to get more stories.
But what i'm bout to say it's a real-life story.
Recently my grandma came and stayed with my family for a week.
Few days ago I brought grandma to visit her sister and my grandma came back telling me her sister's condition.
Grandma's sister is in a very bad situation cause her children don't give a damn to their mother.
She's very very old and obviously need extra care but her children don seem to care.
She had 9 children.
Two were looking after her,
one died,
one is working somewhere,
one is married somewhere,
two were given away to relatives because they were so poor last time,
one went away and married somewhere,
and one is very successful might I think he might as well go eat shit.
Let's start with the one that I think he might as well go eat shit.
Let's call him Scum1.
Scum1 was making business in his hometown but things went wrong and he had to announce bankruptcy.
He had to flee to KL to avoid all the loans.
So he and his family left the hometown and decided to start a new life in KL.
But they had nothing.
And we know you cant live in KL if you had nothing at all.
The mother, means my grandma's sister couldn't stand the son suffering so she and the other daughter (the one looking after my grandma's sister NOW) had to work very very hard and send money to the Scum1 son to continue his living in KL.
They worked like hell for Scum 1 son/brother and now the scum1 son/brother wanted to have nothing to do with the mother.
That ungrateful bastard.
Scum1 succeeded in his whatever business and led a very good life.
Plus his daughter is someone very famous in Malaysia and now the daughter is going to marry another man, also is very very very famous in Malaysia.
It means that they now lead a life that is so good that we cnt even imagine.
Is it that hard to send some money back to your mother?
When you had problem she din think of anything but to help you out.
And now when she had difficulties in life you can't even give a damn about her problems.
What kind of bastard are you?!
I know the son(scum1) is a bastard but I'm not sure if his daughter is another bitch like him.
Maybe he hid all these from her I dono, but I still think the family's a bastard.
And now scum1 and family lived happily ever after in their big 'mansion' and they can't even bother to ask the mom(my grandma's sis) to stay over for a few days.
Then for some reason the mother (my grandma's sis) had to come up to KL to attend something with the scum1's family.
When the mother saw how good is his son's life now but the son din give a damn to her life, she cried.
And the scum1 asked his mother to get away cause she's ruining the good celebration!
What the hell!
Damn him!
And he even told his sister (the one looking after my grandma's sis now) that he's not going to take the responsibility to take care of the mother.
And when scum1's daughter's getting married, the family couldn't bring the granddaughter and husband to the mother's house because they thought the small house is a disgrace to them because they are well-known people.
Go eat shit!!
What kind of people is this!
Like that treat the mother!
Damn heartbroken!
But of course he still had a little bit of human side in him.
Durin the big days like chinese new year he will send his momRM300.
So his mom would get RM600 a year.
Come on please.
That's my 2 month's expenses.
Plus the mom is old now and need to do all kinds of operation, she would need more money.
But the son just doesn't want to care.
Maybe scum1 thinks he should do some goodness or else he will be going to hell when he dies, so added a little bit more money to his mom. And it's really just a little bit.
Then with all the operations the mom left no money and now she still had to give some pocket money to the grandson-in-law.
So scum1's wife gave Rm300 to his mom to give to the grandson-in-law and as for the mother, no allowance for that month.
The mother couldn't work anymore as she's hittin 100.
The sister that looks after the mother almost hit 55 and she had worked her whole life for the brother and now she hurt her leg and she couldn't work.
And she spent her whole life working and she's still not married now.
I blamed the brother(scum1) for that.
All she could do now is clean the little anchovies for other people in the house to earn a lil money.
The other children were almost the same.
Left, married, couldn't bother to look after the mother.
She tried to search for the two children she gave away but failed as the relative was sid to have died long time ago.
So now, left two children behind that are willing to look after the mother.
But they have problem feeding themselves too.
But at least they still care for the mother.
It's just that we are depending on you because we know you now have the ability to look after mom.
Of course they won't go after to him and ask him to take care of the mother if he didn't have the ability.
Even outsiders feel sad when hearing this. We can imagine how the mother feels when her son is treating her this unbearable way.
I really hope that I could take care of her but I think when I have the ability she's far away in heaven already.
I really hope the son can do something good before it's too late.
We were taught to respect our parents, love them, care for them.
It's all written in the moral text book,
AND ALSO carved in our hearts forever.
There might be arguments sometimes but then in the end of the day, no matter what happened, you still care for each other.
That's the human side in everyone.
Unless you lost that important side of yours, then you will called as a beast.
Even Damon has his human side.
I heard this pathetic story from my grandma and you know grandmas.
They always have alot of stories and they have plenty of time to get more stories.
But what i'm bout to say it's a real-life story.
Recently my grandma came and stayed with my family for a week.
Few days ago I brought grandma to visit her sister and my grandma came back telling me her sister's condition.
Grandma's sister is in a very bad situation cause her children don't give a damn to their mother.
She's very very old and obviously need extra care but her children don seem to care.
She had 9 children.
Two were looking after her,
one died,
one is working somewhere,
one is married somewhere,
two were given away to relatives because they were so poor last time,
one went away and married somewhere,
and one is very successful might I think he might as well go eat shit.
Let's start with the one that I think he might as well go eat shit.
Let's call him Scum1.
Scum1 was making business in his hometown but things went wrong and he had to announce bankruptcy.
He had to flee to KL to avoid all the loans.
So he and his family left the hometown and decided to start a new life in KL.
But they had nothing.
And we know you cant live in KL if you had nothing at all.
The mother, means my grandma's sister couldn't stand the son suffering so she and the other daughter (the one looking after my grandma's sister NOW) had to work very very hard and send money to the Scum1 son to continue his living in KL.
They worked like hell for Scum 1 son/brother and now the scum1 son/brother wanted to have nothing to do with the mother.
That ungrateful bastard.
Scum1 succeeded in his whatever business and led a very good life.
Plus his daughter is someone very famous in Malaysia and now the daughter is going to marry another man, also is very very very famous in Malaysia.
It means that they now lead a life that is so good that we cnt even imagine.
Is it that hard to send some money back to your mother?
When you had problem she din think of anything but to help you out.
And now when she had difficulties in life you can't even give a damn about her problems.
What kind of bastard are you?!
I know the son(scum1) is a bastard but I'm not sure if his daughter is another bitch like him.
Maybe he hid all these from her I dono, but I still think the family's a bastard.
And now scum1 and family lived happily ever after in their big 'mansion' and they can't even bother to ask the mom(my grandma's sis) to stay over for a few days.
Then for some reason the mother (my grandma's sis) had to come up to KL to attend something with the scum1's family.
When the mother saw how good is his son's life now but the son din give a damn to her life, she cried.
And the scum1 asked his mother to get away cause she's ruining the good celebration!
What the hell!
Damn him!
And he even told his sister (the one looking after my grandma's sis now) that he's not going to take the responsibility to take care of the mother.
And when scum1's daughter's getting married, the family couldn't bring the granddaughter and husband to the mother's house because they thought the small house is a disgrace to them because they are well-known people.
Go eat shit!!
What kind of people is this!
Like that treat the mother!
Damn heartbroken!
But of course he still had a little bit of human side in him.
Durin the big days like chinese new year he will send his momRM300.
So his mom would get RM600 a year.
Come on please.
That's my 2 month's expenses.
Plus the mom is old now and need to do all kinds of operation, she would need more money.
But the son just doesn't want to care.
Maybe scum1 thinks he should do some goodness or else he will be going to hell when he dies, so added a little bit more money to his mom. And it's really just a little bit.
Then with all the operations the mom left no money and now she still had to give some pocket money to the grandson-in-law.
So scum1's wife gave Rm300 to his mom to give to the grandson-in-law and as for the mother, no allowance for that month.
The mother couldn't work anymore as she's hittin 100.
The sister that looks after the mother almost hit 55 and she had worked her whole life for the brother and now she hurt her leg and she couldn't work.
And she spent her whole life working and she's still not married now.
I blamed the brother(scum1) for that.
All she could do now is clean the little anchovies for other people in the house to earn a lil money.
The other children were almost the same.
Left, married, couldn't bother to look after the mother.
She tried to search for the two children she gave away but failed as the relative was sid to have died long time ago.
So now, left two children behind that are willing to look after the mother.
But they have problem feeding themselves too.
But at least they still care for the mother.
It's just that we are depending on you because we know you now have the ability to look after mom.
Of course they won't go after to him and ask him to take care of the mother if he didn't have the ability.
Even outsiders feel sad when hearing this. We can imagine how the mother feels when her son is treating her this unbearable way.
I really hope that I could take care of her but I think when I have the ability she's far away in heaven already.
I really hope the son can do something good before it's too late.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
My realisation
Studying in USA needs four years.
Four continuous years.
That's definitely not a problem for me.
I'm not someone that easily feel homesick.
But but but,
here comes the biggest problem of ALL.
I'd just calculated the expenses.
Everything.
Tuition, accommodation, transport, food.
I'll need RM840,000 approximately for that four years.
Make it Rm900,000.
Not to mention clothing and entertainment.
I guessed there won't be any entertainment anymore.
That is definitely a big sum.
Don forget I'm not the only person that needs to spend.
There is no way I can go there like that.
Four continuous years.
That's definitely not a problem for me.
I'm not someone that easily feel homesick.
But but but,
here comes the biggest problem of ALL.
I'd just calculated the expenses.
Everything.
Tuition, accommodation, transport, food.
I'll need RM840,000 approximately for that four years.
Make it Rm900,000.
Not to mention clothing and entertainment.
I guessed there won't be any entertainment anymore.
That is definitely a big sum.
Don forget I'm not the only person that needs to spend.
There is no way I can go there like that.
Monday, September 5, 2011
Her farewell
To be more accurate, I think that was the first time I had a farewell.
Farewell to my 7-year friend, Cheong Xinyi.
We din really have a good start cause 'The Smurfs' apparently had sold out and we were all forced to watch ' Cowboy and Aliens '.
It turned out to be a 'woooo, not bad, Daniel Craig is hottt' movie.
We went to Pasta house for lunch.
Then we went back to Shan Yuen's house with her Yellow Peugeot racing car :)
Meru Valley is a nice place but I prefer a noisier and bigger place like NEW YORK CITY X)
Anyway,
we decided to leave to have dinner somewhere before St. Patrick's .
At 530 we said going to depart.
At 600 we said going to depart.
At 630 we were still busy with the make ups.
At 700 Ivana was putting mascara for me.
At 730 we finally settled and left shan yuen's house.
Obviously it's very super late when we reached town, as in 'Green'town.
We saw chatime there but it's so cramped and the queue went almost to the street.
So we went to Movenpeak which was right infront of Chatime and had our dinner there.
Then we went to St. Patrick's bar.
Oh my gosh.
It can be defined as an 'older people' entertainment place.
Yier
And when we went in..... all those awkward moments and looks........
So embarrassing..
So we sat outside..
The service was like damn shit slow..
The drinks were like baby drinks..
Worst still was the songs.......
Speechless...
But I think we did enjoy that moment together..
Talking and laughing as loud as possible..
And I think I was the loudest cause xinyi kept poking my sensitive part, ie my tummy..
We spent there for few hours and many moms called for their daughters to go home.
Before we really separated, I wanted a goodbye hug.
I almost cried when I hugged xinyi so after 3sec I let go of her.
But when we all had our goodbye hugs and speeches and really going to leave,
I asked for one last goodbye hug and this time I really cried,
at the parking lot,
at the roadside.
I hugged her tightly and cried and the time seemed to have stopped for a little while
and I hear hong hein said 'Wenjie is drunk already.'
I know I'll miss her.
She's a good friend.
And we all know there are two kinds of hugs.
One is the 'AHHHHHHH!!!! Bla bla bla !!!!! I'll miss you!!!!' but silently in your heart will be ' what the hell, can you please let go and leave'.
The other kind is the one you cannot explain in words. You really miss her and you don have to announce to the whole world that you will miss her.
To be honest, I was the latter one.
I was quite impressed by myself cause I din know I had the 'humam' side.
I am not as cold blooded as I thought.
I'll see you again soon next year. Take care :)
Farewell to my 7-year friend, Cheong Xinyi.
We din really have a good start cause 'The Smurfs' apparently had sold out and we were all forced to watch ' Cowboy and Aliens '.
It turned out to be a 'woooo, not bad, Daniel Craig is hottt' movie.
We went to Pasta house for lunch.
Then we went back to Shan Yuen's house with her Yellow Peugeot racing car :)
Meru Valley is a nice place but I prefer a noisier and bigger place like NEW YORK CITY X)
Anyway,
we decided to leave to have dinner somewhere before St. Patrick's .
At 530 we said going to depart.
At 600 we said going to depart.
At 630 we were still busy with the make ups.
At 700 Ivana was putting mascara for me.
At 730 we finally settled and left shan yuen's house.
Obviously it's very super late when we reached town, as in 'Green'town.
We saw chatime there but it's so cramped and the queue went almost to the street.
So we went to Movenpeak which was right infront of Chatime and had our dinner there.
Then we went to St. Patrick's bar.
Oh my gosh.
It can be defined as an 'older people' entertainment place.
Yier
And when we went in..... all those awkward moments and looks........
So embarrassing..
So we sat outside..
The service was like damn shit slow..
The drinks were like baby drinks..
Worst still was the songs.......
Speechless...
But I think we did enjoy that moment together..
Talking and laughing as loud as possible..
And I think I was the loudest cause xinyi kept poking my sensitive part, ie my tummy..
We spent there for few hours and many moms called for their daughters to go home.
Before we really separated, I wanted a goodbye hug.
I almost cried when I hugged xinyi so after 3sec I let go of her.
But when we all had our goodbye hugs and speeches and really going to leave,
I asked for one last goodbye hug and this time I really cried,
at the parking lot,
at the roadside.
I hugged her tightly and cried and the time seemed to have stopped for a little while
and I hear hong hein said 'Wenjie is drunk already.'
I know I'll miss her.
She's a good friend.
And we all know there are two kinds of hugs.
One is the 'AHHHHHHH!!!! Bla bla bla !!!!! I'll miss you!!!!' but silently in your heart will be ' what the hell, can you please let go and leave'.
The other kind is the one you cannot explain in words. You really miss her and you don have to announce to the whole world that you will miss her.
To be honest, I was the latter one.
I was quite impressed by myself cause I din know I had the 'humam' side.
I am not as cold blooded as I thought.
I'll see you again soon next year. Take care :)
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