13/2/2013

Haih 听说我是个不孝女 而且还要是超级的那种. To be honest, I really don't know how to communicate with my parents. I can't tell them I love them like the way my friends did. I don't know why I don have all those 'expected manners'. My parents expected me to respect them in this way but unfortunately I have no idea that this is the way they want. I really have to admit that I am very disrespectful. I really don't know why I always act this way. It's like when my emotions come I cannot control them at all. I don't show my anger through words. I usually show them through my facial expression. I don't know is it because they never taught me these when I was young or maybe I am just another annoying disrespectful bitch. I have this really bad feeling that I am going to stay alone forever.

A friend's call

Sometimes you never know in life who will suddenly appear and give you a hand.
Friends are mostly the reasons that keep your life going, other than your family.
Comfort that you never found from family, you can always find it from your friends.

I was helpless and clueless.
I don't know my way.
I just know I am a failure now, and people who fail have no rights to request, they only can accept.

''What should I do now??'' is mostly the biggest question in my mind right now.

I'm seriously not matured or bright enough to not think of any answers to this question.

All of a sudden, my mom asked me if ''ADP is the choice that I want. If yes, then I will go to Taylor's tomorrow, morning, alone, by train and gather info and start registering.''

I went upstairs got too tired and fell asleep.

When I woke up, I started texting people.
I texted Vivian and Jiaway to tell them I am coming tomorrow and if they are free.
I texted Kai Jin to ask her where does her boffie stay couz he's from Taylor's also.
Then I stopped.
I started asking myself what am I doing.
I'm blurred, like gone crazy.
I cannot think of a thing.
My mind is empty.

Then Kai Jin said she's going to KL on Friday and if I want to go with her.
Jiaway replied and said she can bring me around after Friday and I can stay at her house temporary.
Viv said I'm crazy for taking ADP.

After a while my phone rang. Jiaway called. I'm surprised. I'm surprised that she called and I answered that call.

She wanted to be told of the whole story, the factors that lead to this situation now.

I started off by telling her bout Soda.
The conversation ended after 2 hours and the last thing she wanted me to do is to think the reason that I want to go US.

And now I started to re-think(if there's such word) my decision.

I choose Mathematics as a major and not other kili-kala courses because I'm not good in words.
I realized that when I took A-levels.
It's advisable to take Mathematics as a major.
And I had decided the course that I want to take and I will never regret cause I am saying to the world now : '' Mathematics is what I choose, not my mom, she just suggested. I want MATHEMATICS!! I LIKE MATHEMATICS!! ''

I rejected UTAR cause :
1. I cannot learn to speak English there.
2. Cannot go overseas.
3. Environment not what I'm willing to have
4. Soda's mom will look down upon me

I rejected UK :
1. Lazy to write personal statement
2. Passed deadline
3. Soda's there.
4. Not eligible to apply

NUS and HONG KONG probably will reject me also.

I choose US because:
1. My mind is clear of all these unwanted trouble and pressure although this is just what I thought.
2. Can start all over again and proof to the whole world I can be strong too.
3. I want to learn to be strong and tough at US.
4, I want to make sure that I am capable of handling diff situation and adapting to the new envir.
5. I can choose whatever major that I like.
6. I can speak English.
7. I can save money and buy a branded bag for my mummy and proof that I can do better.

I considered all over again and conclusion is : I want to go US is because I want to be strong!
And if I miss this opportunity again I might as well go die.
And I am serious because I cant evern suceed in one single thing.
Just like mom said ' I am a failure.'

Jiaway said : learn from your mistakes. Very true.
Jiaway said : Make your own decidion. Your very own decision. You decide that youself.
Jiaway said : If it's your own decision, never say you regret in the future.

Mom scolded me today. Everything she said was hurting much but true.

Why am I so lazy? I never care. I have very serious attitude problem.
Maybe I havent find a persuasive enough reason to go to US but my final decision is going to US to finish my studies.
Very tought. Start all over again.
BUT I WILL NOT REGRET!!

THIS IS WHAT I WANT.

I WILL NOT REGRET !! US!!

New job

So I started working at JJ's Sushi King like 10 days ago. Working full-time is really killin me. Eight hours of working everyday and 1hour break in between. And Sushi King's like every 30 min there will be customers coming in. It's crazy. The workload is tremendously heavy.

It's not like working's a bad thing but I really fail to do many other things that are equally important. After work I could be really exhausted that I went to bed staright away w/o cleaning up myself. 
I have to keep track with my universities' application but I'm too tired to care about anything.

Unfortunately I missed Beijing's application and I am very very upset though they said I am not eligible to apply cause I did not score straight As. I went for the interview for Hong Kong U last Saturday and after the group interview I already knew I will not be the chosen one. Among 300++ of students they just want 30?? Besides, from the look of the interviewer, I can say he did not favour me much.

Now I have to aim for Victoria U, U in UK and finally US. I know that my parents are reluctant to send me to US but they don't want me to stay studying locally also. Haih. I regretted for not studying hard for A-levels.

Anyway, back to my new job. It's really complicated working there. First, that place is ridiculously strict. The accumulated hours that I came to work late if it's more than 15 min my salary will be reduced by RM60!! Damn it!! And my colleague told me it doesnt matter what I do I had lost that RM60 already!! It's so sad!!!!!!! And they don allow frens to punch your card for you. Damn it!!

Fine!! What else can I do!! The nature of procratination is in me!!

Most of the crew are younger than me. Well some are same age but honestly, no HOTTIE..
Not even one.
There's even a malay guy who looks like a frog and I said it not because I hate him but my collegues agreed to that also.

Damn it!! The malay guys in there are very rude. I mean not ALL but some.
There's this guy, the servive leader, a Malay, he's insane, he likes to take advantage on females, as in really taking advantage, like go near you, touch you and make it look as if it's not done on purpose, flirt with you... these kind of stuff. It's very very very annoying and he has a really bad body odour.
Urgh. I just ignore him as in really IGNORE IGNORE. Like when he calls I pretend like I din hear anything and I make sure I am 2 metres far away from him even when we talk.

And then there's this guy, the one who looks like a frog, a Malay, he likes to insruct people to do this do that and I don think he has any position, well even he hassss, it's a very very small unsignificant one!! I mean like he's already taken the food on the tray out from the kitchen and walking towards the customers and I passed by him and he HAD TO PASS THE TRAY TO ME AND ASK ME TO SEND THE FOOD??! I mean not that I'm unwilling to send the food but why can't you do it yourself just for ONCE!! AND it's not like he's very busy with something else!!

And then the worst!! I called her the barbarian bitch!! A malay female. I don think she has a position but she's considered as a SENIOR as she came in earlier than all of us. At first, she was nice to be with you. Gradually, she's like having PMS or something. She kept showing weird attitudes and I think she's really ill-tempered. There's a bit of misunderstanding between us (the chinese gangs) and her. The next day I tried to befriend her but she ignored me. So FINE!! SO WHAT!! I'm going to end this ridiculous job after 2 months!! Who cares bout her.

The second worst thing of this job is the uniform. I really hate the uniform!! Black shoes that you have to wear whole day and must be comfortable?? I had no choice but to wear the school black shoes which look soooo damn childish on me. Then there's the head scarf. No hair should be seen on the face. Clean and clear. Damn it! My face is already big enough and yet you are asking me to hide my fringe and show my whole face which is my weakest point??!!! Damn it!! I had to keep telling myself it's okay I'm working to buy my Chanel and ALDO. Everything is worth the pain and sufferings.

Haih.. So many problems to be dealt with. And also I fail to lose weight and CNY is coming. Working is tiring so I really eat ALOT!! What can I do?? I really miss my friends after started working.

Tremendous change

I want to be able to talk about this to someone that really cares.
I'm having severe family problems, and I mean it.
There's a tremendous change in the relationship with my first younger brother.
However there's still a bright side of this situation, that is my relationship with my youngest brother remains as good as before.

That's not it.
I had an overwhelming sense that one of my parents has changed, unfortunately, in a bad way.

I don't know if I am being too paranoid, but all of the evidence were too convincing.
Tell me, what should be my next step?

The adults are reluctant to talk about their problems.
How would I know what's going on?

I know this family always has the serious communication problem but I never knew that it would be that serious.
I never knew that we would come to this point.

One of them has been acting really suspicious lately.
Being in the list of the top tens most paranoid person, my conclusion is one of them is having an affair.

Running up debts, tortured by family members.. Having an affair is the worst thing a family can have.

Having an affair??

I heard many of these stories but I thought after so many years, this would unlikely to happen.

After so long and you are telling me that you are interested in this irresponsible unforgivable act?

There is definitely no reason or excuse for doing this.
All these days I could only think of this matter.

If I am the only one who think of this, then maybe the probability of me being wrong is higher.
What if it's not just me who thinks like this too??

I had been having 'secret meetings' with my lil brother.
He's the only one I can talk to now.

I would never ever forgive if this really happens.
But my lil brother said no matter what I might still have to go with xxx because I need to go overseas to study.
He's right.
I don't know what will it be like if this really happens.
I really dono.

And finally I cried

And I cried, several weeks after the last time I cried.
Pathetic I was to face a bowl of milo and biscuits when I cried.
I was so sad all of a sudden and while eating I cried and the sound of the tv downstairs had prevented them from knowing that I was crying.

It wasn't suppose to be like that.
Today supposed to be a nice day. I was supposed to be excited to prepare for tomorrow's TOEFL.

And I have no idea why did I cry. Maybe because I was too fat or maybe because the milo and biscuits tasted very bad. Or maybe because I was too worried for TOEFL? But I didn't cry for Econs and Law exams.

Or maybe, I texted a friend, Engyi and I felt so touched and I cried? It's possible since I had not been contacting any of my frens for a long time although I don't have many friends.

In these few months when I stay at home, I cried more often. Is it mean that I shouldn't be at home? This is not where I should stay? What should I do?

I'm old enough to make my own plans

I'm having TOEFL tomorrow morning at Penang's KDU. Unfortunately, I'm still not well-prepared. All I could think of is how I will fail in TOEFL. For speaking, I couldn't speak within 60 sec. For reading, the questions were tough. For listening, I couldn't listen carefully to what the thing said. Writing is the worst. And then my mother said whether I can go USA or not depends on my TOEFL score. I think it's because of what she said that ha made me panicked. The worst is she just left me stranded there, worried bout my own stuff alone. HEY!! YOU CAN'T JUST SAY SOMETHING THAT SCARES PEOPLE OFF THEN LEAVE THEM ALONE TO DEAL WITH THE FEAR!!

I couldn't complete the practices. I went berserk. I wanted to scream and throw tantrums but eventually I decided to just remain silent. I din speak to nayone for the whole day. I really don't feel like speaking at all. Columbia College needs 100 out of 120 scores. Where do I get this kind of score for columbia?? This is crazy!!

I can see that going to USA is really a tremendous problem and burden to the family. My mother is reluctant to send me there. I've been doind all the talking, convincing, explaining but it seemed to have no effect at all. I was really upset when I heard the words ' Don go USA la ' . I am still very upset now. She wants me to go hong kong or singapore. I don think I will be happy there. I want to make my own plans. They think I'm not capable of making my own plans. They think I just said it for fun.

It's like I'm the only one that is having emotions in my own room and they are happily sitting in the living room eating KFC. And I really meant it. So before I reach the point of explosion, I talked to Engyi. I found my solution.

I think it's really unfair that they are always saying I shouldn't go here shouldn't go there because I am not good enough and it's not worth spending this amount of money on me and the two potatoes are the ones that can go here go there but their results seemed to be worse than mine. I hate it when they said to me ' you don die oso no use' . And the younger one even learnt that up and always saying this to me. I fit was the previous me I would have slapped him hard on the face. However this time I remained silent and chose not to talk to them.

Hence, I had made my own decisions tonight. What's with all the fuss! I can retake TOEFL if I fail. Since I'm taking up a job after my TOEFL, I can register TOEFL agiani with my own money. Not a abig deal.I can take it until I scored 100. I'll somehow make my way through US. If eventually I fail to do so, I will have to go somehwere else. If hong kong and singapore don accpet me then I'll just go back to UTAR. What's the big deal. I can plan my own route. It's not the end of the world.

Bad mood

I'm very upset since morning. For no reason.
I got to my TOEFL classes in time. Today gets better, at least the times I want to fall asleep has reduced.

After the class I thought I should go JJ to do some shopping. I'm recently out of my own mind. I am losing weight but yet I keep buying junks back home especially instant noodles.

When I was passing the traffic outside JJ, I was supposed to turn right, of course before the light turns red. Nobody is allowed to speed through the red light, especially beginners that are still holding the 'P' license.Hello??!!!

But I couldnt believe myself. There was a car in front of me when the light ALREADY turned yellow and the car hadn't turn right yet. Supposedly I should stop no matter the car in front of me stop or keep going cause it's already yellow light but I went blank. I didn't know what I was thinking at that moment. Maybe I was too scared that if I stopped abruptly the car behind me might knock me cause it's too late to break.

So, out of my mind, I sped a little bit trying to pass before the green light of the other side of the road lighted up. I think when I was at the point where I was going to speed and turn right, two thoughts suddenly came to my mind. Should I stop or go? Hence at that point I slowed down but apparently I decided to speed. So within that moment, a few seconds passed and if I was to speed red light I should do it fast right.

Damn it!! When I was almost going to drive into the right lane, ALMOST GOING TO, the green light of the other side lighted and you know sometimes cars can wait and they don drive immediately when it turns green. But those motorcycles. DAMN! I was sort of blocking their way to 'speed'. Few of them even stared angrily at me, giving those ' wth is she doing ! get lost la ! ' expressions.

I was already like 'omg omg omg' . Damn it! I never did that ! It's really bad and it's frightening!! And then I drove into JJ and I was praying hard that there would be a lot of parkings. It did. But I used to have Xinyi with me when I did parking. And today. It's really saddening. I failed at parking. Suck. How can I be so fail. In the car all I could think was 'what the hell are you doing. you are such a failure'

And so I went mad. I went to the market side and bought things that I usually don't buy. And I spent rm60 on junks. I regretted. It's not like I can eat them all. And this morning I had a little argument with my mom and when I came home we sort of argued a lil bit AGAIN.

And after dinner,  I argued with my brother because he couldn't let me use the com and kept playing his childish game. I went berserk and I turned on the volume of the tv so loud and I had another argument with another brother.
Then after 2 hours I came up and said ' if you still want to sit there i will just off the com immediately' and so he left reluctantly but then he said he had to  ' do something without me seeing first ' so i had to go in my room first. I didn't listen to him and he didn't want to leave the seat and then he quickly took out the drawer and ran into the room and he knocked down the speaker and the cover of the speaker came off and I was so frustrated I TOOK HIS HANDPHONE AND THREW IT DOWNSTAIRS.
When he came up and saw what happened, of course he went mad too and he kept scolding me with foul words but I had no intention to argue back and I didn't even care a bit.

And then later from my parent's room I kept hearing voices in a not very friendly tone.

All these really drive me crazy. Is it my fault?? I don feel like staying in this house. I know it's bad but I really don like the feeling being with them. Dad always with mom, whatever they are doing, arguing talking bla bla bla. The two boys always together, either throwing foul words at each other or talking bout those ridiculous games. I'm always alone. I don see any point being with them. Everytime I be with them it's just like I'm being alone. I really want to leave this place.

ITALIANNIES AGAIN

I was supposed to go to Full House for the set lunch ! :(  And to make sure I didn't miss it I make sure everything is done before 12pm. I need to get reference letter from Taylor's. Anyway. However, sadly, mom wanted to go Mid Valley and I thought Mid Valley has Full House so I said okay. And I thought we would reach Mid Valley before 1230pm. But I met Jiaway in the office and we talked for quite a long time and when I noticed it's already 1230! Tian AH! I don want to miss my set lunch!!

Fortunately, no traffic jam along the way and we reached Mid Valley at round 1pm and when we got settled it's almost 120pm. So the first thing we did when we went into Mid Valley was to look for Full House and DAMN IT!! All the while I thought 'The Garden' was Full house! So. no Full House. sad. really very disappointed. So we went to Italiannies. my second choice.

I can say that Italiannies set lunch is really worth it. You can eat till you vomit till your line is already up above your head. No wonder they allowed free flow for their pepsi cause they know when we finish the course we don ahve any more space left for drinks. chih.

anyway.. I ordered something something angel hair. forgot the name. But it's with tomato sauce and it SUCKS! So I made a conclusion. Next time when I go Italiannies, I will never call anything that comes with tomato paste. But the minestrone soup was awesome!




The normal bread they provide. I can make it myself too.

Salad

Minestrone Soup . Awesome !

Bad pasta . I don like

Something Something Fish . And I thought the yellow ones were fries but it's not

Mcd

I just came back from my dental appointment and I wanted McD for breakfast. So I went to McD drive thru and made my order and drove to the front to pay. Just in case, before I drove to the payment part, I opened my purse and 'OH SHIIIT!! NOT ENOUGH MONEY !!'.
I kept digging my purse but all I had was RM 5.. I still need RM3 .
Shit! It's not like I could just run away since I was ALREADY in the driving lane.
When I went to the payment counter I asked the cashier guy can I cancel the set and make it just the burger.
He stared at me and I think he saw it when I was busy digging my purse through the CCTV.
It's not like he had other choice right, unless he decided to pay the rest for me.
And then I took my burger and left with much embarrassment.

Anyway.. I am still looking for a job but I seriously don't know where to find one. Haih

My lucky day

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!

I seriously CANNOT believe this shit IS HAPPENING!!!!!!

I was at JJ just now and

I saw a 50 DOLLAR NOTE on the floor!!
My aunt was beside me and I thought she dropped it.
So I stood 'on' the note and asked her if the note was hers.
I wasn't going to pick it up couz I was worried that kind of stuff... might be under a curse or something..

So my aunt.. who knew me too much .. quickly picked up the note ..
And we spent it on the groceries XD

And..
When we were at the counter..
I forgot to put the bread on the counter and I held that in my hand.. without notice.. and I walked out of the door..!

And my aunt suddenly said.. did you pay the bread..
then I was like 'OH MY XXXXXXXXXXXXX'
well.. since we already left the shopping mall w/o being caught..
of course we wouldn't be so stupid to go back again..

I would say.. today is really my lucky day :)))))))

I wish I could tell her

I dono how but today when I was talking to my mom we mentioned about the day when I was at the airport, about to leave Malaysia to China. She said she didn't know the reason I always in such bad moods. Was it because I was too pampered and I just like to show angry faces whenever I want. She said everyone was busy saying goodbye to their parents and double checking with the luggages but i was too busy talking on the phone. And then I kept showing angry faces and bad emotion. And then I remembered. That day was the day I broke up with KL. I reckoned I was talking to Engyi and Xinyi at that moment. I wish I could tell my mom I was in such bad mood because I just broke up with my boyf. Maybe she'll understand. But that's impossible. But now I'm telling myself and I'm very serious. On my next flight I will tell her the truth. I will hug her so hard and kissed her goodbye and promised to be a good girl. I swear.

爱

我想要寻找爱。

不只是男女之间的爱，

还有朋友，好朋友，之间的爱，

和家人的爱。

我想要有真爱。

心里有一份真感情，

做人会轻松很多，

会快乐很多。

心里不再是担心下一秒会不会被背叛或欺骗，

心里不会再有不好的想法，

不会再斤斤计较，

就算为别人付出也不会介意。

就算再怎么微小的事情都会值得去笑，

而且是真心的笑。

就算流泪，

也只会因为开心感动而流泪。

WHAT THE FXXKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

I shouldn't sit beside the phone.............................
Oh guaddd......
The phone rang..
Automatically I had to pick up the phone call..

OH MY SSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!

It's that WOEMAN!!!!!!!

When I heard a voice I really wanted to slam the phone back.
She asked for mummy but I lied, said she went out.

Then she asked me what are my plans now and inside I was like 'WHAT THE HELL!! GUAN NI PI SHI MEH!!'

I lied, told her I confirmed going to UTAR, Jan intake.
I can feel her evil laugh at the other side.

Then she asked me izit many students apply this course and I lied, I said yea.
Then she said mostly guys only will take this course right and I lied, I said no, now many girls taking this also.

I was like you ask one question and I answer you short and fast.
Actually I was trying to send the signal ' Aunty can faster hang up anot '
I think she got that .
She din ask many questions and said goodbye.

I hate her.
I hate her to the max.

Pumped up kicks

6th of September, 2011, 8:13a.m.
RED FM 'Pumped up kicks'


6th of September, 2011, 12:37p.m.
RED FM 'Pumped up kicks'

It's all about her again

That woman can go eat shit.

I dono what I had done that caused myself to suffer so much from this bitch.
I really dono what's wrong with her.
AUNTY!! CAN YOU STAY AWAY FROM MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!

I tell you what did that bitch do..
First of all, she couldnt stand it when I changed my course to Finance Maths..
When I decided to take Accounting and Finance you should see how she laughed under her pillow.
She knew that Acc and Finance is just another ordinary course that will not make you stand out when you graduate.
She knew that I'm not as hardworking or as intelligent as her precious daughter.
She knew I would never have the chance to beat her daughter.
Then now...
She just couldnt bear it when she knew I decided to take Finance Maths.
Cause she knew this course is definitely going to stand out in the future.
So what??!!!!
You care bout your own daughter shit then okay already la!!
Leave me alone can anot!!
And when she knew I'm going UTAR, she had to make the situation worse by saying how terrible is that place...
Not like her precious daughter in London!

And she had to boast to the whole world that her daughter had been awarded Maybank scholarship and now she's so rich she can treat my mom breakfast almost everyday!!

And you should see how she exaggerated!!
She said her daughter better don score straight As in A level cause she din have that amount of money to send her daughter out!
And when she knew her daughter got straight As she got a slight heart attack and had to go to the hospital to do check-up !!
And now when her daughter got the scholarship she just had to call back and said now her heart rate went back to normal.

Waaahhh...
I really want to ask her to go eat shiiiiiittttttt!!!!!!!!!!!

And last week her daughter had safely landed in UK and I can see all her calls from my mom's hp.
I knew she told my mom alot of stuff.
When my mom tried to start a conversation about her I just walked away pretended to be very busy.
I don want to know anything about her.

Unfortunately this afternoon when I followed my mom to visit her friend, which is also that woman's friend, that aunty all of a sudden talked about that bitch.
When they departed to UK their plane delayed half way and they got the chance to visit Dubai for a day.
And I had to pretend to be very happy and excited.

WHAT THE HELLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And from this bitch I realised something really cruel.
When I was like around 10 years old I went to this tuition with her daughter and I still keep contact with that teacher.
And just recently this bitch asked my mom how did my English become so weak that I had to find that teacher to help me with my personal statement.
She said her daughter's essay was so perfect that no one could write anything like that.
Her essay was so perfect that the uni had to accept her right away.
She( that bitch ) told my mom that MsLim (that teacher) said I had to go ask her help for my personal statement and my essay was very weak.
HEY HEY HEY!! COME ON!! I did go to ask her BUT BUT BUT it wasn't my will to go ask her okkay!
Ms Lim came to ask me why I din go ask her advice for the personal statement and she insisted to have a look at my essay and wanted to check for me!!
But the true story wasn't been told and I'm the victim.
I feel so innocent you know..

And somemore!!
Ms Lim was the one that asked for my results first but the story turned out to be :
When I got my results I couldn't wait to show off so I just had to call Ms Lim to tell her my results.
That bitch said my daughter got so excellent result oso din say anything ah.....

It kinda hurt me.
I'm so innocent.

I dono when all these will stop.
And I blame myself for all these.
I couldnt talk to anyone.
No one would understand.

My dear friends

My dear friends.. Please pray for me, pray that I will be accepted by HongKong Uni or Manchester. Please.. Pray hard for me.. If you love me and care for me then please pray for me too.. I really cannot imagine myself staying in UTAR for the next 3years..... Please my friends...... Help me...

Mom's first experience on KTM

This would be the so far funniest thing ever happened.
I'm supposed to take the train from Ipoh to KL on the 2nd of October, which is yesterday to attend the U.S education fair at Hilton.
Then my mom said she wanted to go shopping also so we decided to drive up to KL.
And I'm the driver XD

We parked our car at Mid Valley and decided to take the KTM from Mid Valley to KL Central.
It's Sunday so anyone could imagine how pack is KL Central.

It's the first time my mom took the train so I don really hope to be her first and worst experience.
I took it alot of times especially with Engyi so we already used to the situation where everyone had to squeeze into the train because no one wants to wait for the next train which will definitely not be punctual.

Unfortunately when the train arrived, my mom's like 'HUH!! WHAT IS THIS!!'
The train's packed like hell.
I held my mom's hand and asked her to squeeze in no matter what.
We succeeded.
When the train started to move my mom was like ' Wah.. So slow one..'
Then the train started to stop, as usual. =.=
I'm used to this 'dono why stop in the middle' situation but for those who never take KTM would start to be worried.
Then my mom started to make all kinds of assumptions.

'Overloaded already izit, cannot move'
'Train also got traffic lights one meh'
And we couldn't stop laughing in the train.
The situation's just too hilarious.

And the train stopped twice and moved at a very low speed. I think I can walk faster than the train at his kind of speed.

When the train arrived at KLCentral, my mom was like ' faster faster! later the train closed the door!'
And she squeezed with the others trying to get out and it looked really funny.
I couldn't stop laughing when I got out of the train and my mom couldn't stop blaming me for taking her to this aweful place XD

Luckily Hilton's just right beside of KL Central.
The fair didn't help me much so we left earlier.
So we had to take the train again to go back to miv valley.
Ohya! When I was buying the tickets, an old lady suddenly approached me and asked me to give her 2 bucks.
I couldnt say no right, so I just gave her and quickly walked away.

The second trip was worse.
More people were taking this train like us. When I mean more I really mean alot more.
Asshole KTM. I don think there is a need to announce when the train will only arrived in another 10 minutes.
When the train arrived, the women were crazier than us.
We had to push and squeeze very very very hard to get in. Come on! Who wants to wait for another 30 min. Why cant they be more efficient like Taiwan!

My mom almost dropped her shoe when she got in XD
It's like at Taiwan's countdown celebration in the train.
And my mom started with her assumptions again and we started to laugh again in the train.
I think people really think we were mad.
'Sanba lao'  XD

Then when the train finally reached mid valley, my mom kept saying 'faster go out ah! you squeeze out yourself la. I don1 get stucked in here ah' and she pushed her way out like there's a ten thousand dollar on the floor.
But the problem was I was stucked in the inside and I couldn't move unless the lady in front of me moved. But my mom didn't notice she was pulling my hair.
Can you imagine? My head trying to get out but my body couldn't move.
I almost tripped and then I just grabbed anything I could to stop myself falling and I didnt realise I had grabbed hold of a lady's wrist.
It was like having war inside.
Finally I managed to get out and we couldnt stop laughing when I tried to tell my mom what happened in the train.

Sometimes it's still better to have a car though parking is also another serious problem in KL.

Dining at Italiannies

I can tell you that I'm very easy to be satisfied. Just bring me to a place with excellent food and I'll be smiling all the way home. I'm serious.

I love Italiannies. Love it to the MAX!! I really love the food there. It's quite expensive but I think it's worth it. Their food all come in big portion and even someone that eats alot like me get satisfied.

My mom ordered tiramisu and I was like ' WHAT! ' but when I had my first taste I couldn't stop grinning.
Crazy asshole when I saw the price. A tiramisu costs RM20! But I can say they are not stingy with the portion. You can just order 1 tiramisu for lunch and you will be full until your dinner.



And their chicken marsala...... I guessed I'm just too easy being satisfied, aren't I?

Too bad I din get the picture.. I really think I should get myself a camera..

Anyway, driving to KL is really tiring..

This' what my personal statement's going to sound like but i reckoned it still needs further modification so anyone pleassseee help me out can?

I'm not from a rich family nor a high-class background. I had been taught the importance of money and how great they play a role in life. I bever doubt that everyone loves money just as I do. For generations, my family had been dealing with business. Most of my cousins that had graduated were also dealing with courses like accounting, finance, banking and business admin. It truly had affected me since I was young. In my 19years of life, I had come to apprehend a fundmental principle. This world is very realistic. Life is all about money and I reckoned the best and fastest way to earn money is to relate myself to business. It takes a bigger risk in the business world, I know but what is not risky in this world. Everyone is finding the best and fastest way to finish their studies and start working including myself as I know I cannot forever ask money from my parents. As I grow up, it's not only myself to be fed but also I have to take care of my parents. That's why I reckoned finance is very important. I reckoned choosing a good course and a good university is definitely a good start to a better job. I choose Finance Mathematics instead of Finance or Accounting and Finance or banking owing to the speciality of this course. I still get to study about Finance and get to touch on Maths which is my favourite subject. Of course, I wouldn't know what awaits me in the future but I reckoned taking Finance Maths is a good start. I fathom that tis is a tough course to take but I'm already prepared to acceot this challenge. I really hope that this great opportunity can be given to me to pursue my dreams in life. Thank you.

LET BYGONES BE BYGONES

This morning appeared to be a miracle to my parents as I woke up very early. I'm very ashamed to say this but everyday I wouldn't leave my bed unless it's noon. What could I do? I'm too lazy to flip the books or the newspapers. I had no assignments to rush or exams to deal with. All I wanted to do was more TV and more sleep and more food. This is a very bad sign. I'm not just rotting, I'm making lesser progress and I'm far behind everyone. So I forced myself to wake up early this morning for MCDONALD'S BREAKFAST.
Ive been doing abit of thinking this morning and I realised I'd lost myself because I was too concern for the others rather than myself. I'm too busy occupying myself with others' life style rather than myself. I've just realised I've been imitating other people's life style and forced myelf to become like them. And of course I failed so now I'm no where in the middle. Whenever I need to make decisions, I'll first ask myself what would she decide if it's her. But I shoud actually ask myself first right.
Haih. Now everyone found their aim and life purpose but i'm still here wandering around.
Yesterday mom gave me a few suggestions of what to do for my future.
She said alot. But actually I din really quite listen in what she said. Especially when you are in the car.
Then this morning all of a sudden I started asking myself what I actually want.
It's my life. It's my future.
I should really make a decision of my own.
Yes, it might turn out to be a wrong one or a 'not so good' decision but at least that's what i've chosen what I've decided. I will have no one to blame in the future and I will not regret ( well maybe abit but not much ) cause it's my decision. It's a plan I made myself.
So what if I fail. Not the end of the world.
It's time to stop dreaming.
It's time to say 'no' and 'yes'.
It's time to stop saying 'Whatever' and 'I dono'.
What have I learnt within these few months?
I have regretted for not scoring straight As in A-levels.
I don want to repeat the same mistakes.
What is past is past.
The days. The time. The opportunity.
It's time to wake up.
Time to wake up!
I will start learning from this day onwards.
I cannot already be a loser even when the war has not started yet.
God will help me through this.
I believe.

Confession

I'd always envied her life.
But today I made a confession.
I'm born to lead a life of my own. A life that no one has.
I guessed we just ain't born on the same side or for the same purpose.
Why should I go after her tail all the time and blamed myself for not being someone like her?
She might be successful in that field and I'll never reach that part.
But so what!!
I don't give a damn cause from this day onwards I'll lead a life she's never going to manage.
I'll be successful in the field that she'll never reach.
We are different people.
I admit sometime in the future I might be envious for her life but I promise that feeling will never exceed 3 sec.
Because I'm NG WEN JIE.
And I always love myself.

Scums!

I can't believe these people really exist.
We were taught to respect our parents, love them, care for them.
It's all written in the moral text book,
AND ALSO carved in our hearts forever.
There might be arguments sometimes but then in the end of the day, no matter what happened, you still care for each other.
That's the human side in everyone.
Unless you lost that important side of yours, then you will called as a beast.

Even Damon has his human side.

I heard this pathetic story from my grandma and you know grandmas.
They always have alot of stories and they have plenty of time to get more stories.
But what i'm bout to say it's a real-life story.

Recently my grandma came and stayed with my family for a week.
Few days ago I brought grandma to visit her sister and my grandma came back telling me her sister's condition.
Grandma's sister is in a very bad situation cause her children don't give a damn to their mother.
She's very very old and obviously need extra care but her children don seem to care.
She had 9 children.
Two were looking after her,
one died,
one is working somewhere,
one is married somewhere,
two were given away to relatives because they were so poor last time,
one went away and married somewhere,
and one is very successful might I think he might as well go eat shit.

Let's start with the one that I think he might as well go eat shit.
Let's call him Scum1.
Scum1 was making business in his hometown but things went wrong and he had to announce bankruptcy.
He had to flee to KL to avoid all the loans.
So he and his family left the hometown and decided to start a new life in KL.
But they had nothing.
And we know you cant live in KL if you had nothing at all.

The mother, means my grandma's sister couldn't stand the son suffering so she and the other daughter (the one looking after my grandma's sister NOW) had to work very very hard and send money to the Scum1 son to continue his living in KL.
They worked like hell for Scum 1 son/brother and now the scum1 son/brother wanted to have nothing to do with the mother.
That ungrateful bastard.

Scum1 succeeded in his whatever business and led a very good life.
Plus his daughter is someone very famous in Malaysia and now the daughter is going to marry another man, also is very very very famous in Malaysia.
It means that they now lead a life that is so good that we cnt even imagine.
Is it that hard to send some money back to your mother?
When you had problem she din think of anything but to help you out.
And now when she had difficulties in life you can't even give a damn about her problems.
What kind of bastard are you?!
I know the son(scum1) is a bastard but I'm not sure if his daughter is another bitch like him.
Maybe he hid all these from her I dono, but I still think the family's a bastard.
And now scum1 and family lived happily ever after in their big 'mansion' and they can't even bother to ask the mom(my grandma's sis) to stay over for a few days.
Then for some reason the mother (my grandma's sis) had to come up to KL to attend something with the scum1's family.
When the mother saw how good is his son's life now but the son din give a damn to her life, she cried.
And the scum1 asked his mother to get away cause she's ruining the good celebration!
What the hell!
Damn him!

And he even told his sister (the one looking after my grandma's sis now) that he's not going to take the responsibility to take care of the mother.

And when scum1's daughter's getting married, the family couldn't bring the granddaughter and husband to the mother's house because they thought the small house is a disgrace to them because they are well-known people.
Go eat shit!!
What kind of people is this!
Like that treat the mother!
Damn heartbroken!

But of course he still had a little bit of human side in him.
Durin the big days like chinese new year he will send his momRM300.
So his mom would get RM600 a year.
Come on please.
That's my 2 month's expenses.
Plus the mom is old now and need to do all kinds of operation, she would need more money.
But the son just doesn't want to care.

Maybe scum1 thinks he should do some goodness or else he will be going to hell when he dies, so added a little bit more money to his mom. And it's really just a little bit.

Then with all the operations the mom left no money and now she still had to give some pocket money to the grandson-in-law.
So scum1's wife gave Rm300 to his mom to give to the grandson-in-law and as for the mother, no allowance for that month.

The mother couldn't work anymore as she's hittin 100.
The sister that looks after the mother almost hit 55 and she had worked her whole life for the brother and now she hurt her leg and she couldn't work.
And she spent her whole life working and she's still not married now.
I blamed the brother(scum1) for that.
All she could do now is clean the little anchovies for other people in the house to earn a lil money.

The other children were almost the same.
Left, married, couldn't bother to look after the mother.
She tried to search for the two children she gave away but failed as the relative was sid to have died long time ago.

So now, left two children behind that are willing to look after the mother.
But they have problem feeding themselves too.
But at least they still care for the mother.

It's just that we are depending on you because we know you now have the ability to look after mom.
Of course they won't go after to him and ask him to take care of the mother if he didn't have the ability.
Even outsiders feel sad when hearing this. We can imagine how the mother feels when her son is treating her this unbearable way.

I really hope that I could take care of her but I think when I have the ability she's far away in heaven already.
I really hope the son can do something good before it's too late.

My realisation

Studying in USA needs four years.
Four continuous years.
That's definitely not a problem for me.
I'm not someone that easily feel homesick.
But but but,
here comes the biggest problem of ALL.

I'd just calculated the expenses.
Everything.
Tuition, accommodation, transport, food.
I'll need RM840,000 approximately for that four years.
Make it Rm900,000.
Not to mention clothing and entertainment.
I guessed there won't be any entertainment anymore.

That is definitely a big sum.
Don forget I'm not the only person that needs to spend.
There is no way I can go there like that.

Her farewell

To be more accurate, I think that was the first time I had a farewell.
Farewell to my 7-year friend, Cheong Xinyi.

We din really have a good start cause 'The Smurfs' apparently had sold out and we were all forced to watch ' Cowboy and Aliens '.
It turned out to be a 'woooo, not bad, Daniel Craig is hottt' movie.

We went to Pasta house for lunch.

Then we went back to Shan Yuen's house with her Yellow Peugeot racing car :)
Meru Valley is a nice place but I prefer a noisier and bigger place like NEW YORK CITY X)

Anyway,
we decided to leave to have dinner somewhere before St. Patrick's .
At 530 we said going to depart.
At 600 we said going to depart.
At 630 we were still busy with the make ups.
At 700 Ivana was putting mascara for me.
At 730 we finally settled and left shan yuen's house.

Obviously it's very super late when we reached town, as in 'Green'town.
We saw chatime there but it's so cramped and the queue went almost to the street.
So we went to Movenpeak which was right infront of Chatime and had our dinner there.
Then we went to St. Patrick's bar.
Oh my gosh.
It can be defined as an 'older people' entertainment place.
Yier

And when we went in..... all those awkward moments and looks........
So embarrassing..
So we sat outside..
The service was like damn shit slow..
The drinks were like baby drinks..
Worst still was the songs.......
Speechless...
But I think we did enjoy that moment together..
Talking and laughing as loud as possible..
And I think I was the loudest cause xinyi kept poking my sensitive part, ie my tummy..

We spent there for few hours and many moms called for their daughters to go home.
Before we really separated, I wanted a goodbye hug.
I almost cried when I hugged xinyi so after 3sec I let go of her.
But when we all had our goodbye hugs and speeches and really going to leave,
I asked for one last goodbye hug and this time I really cried,
at the parking lot,
at the roadside.
I hugged her tightly and cried and the time seemed to have stopped for a little while
and I hear hong hein said 'Wenjie is drunk already.'
I know I'll miss her.
She's a good friend.

And we all know there are two kinds of hugs.
One is the 'AHHHHHHH!!!! Bla bla bla !!!!! I'll miss you!!!!' but silently in your heart will be ' what the hell, can you please let go and leave'.
The other kind is the one you cannot explain in words. You really miss her and you don have to announce to the whole world that you will miss her.

To be honest, I was the latter one.
I was quite impressed by myself cause I din know I had the 'humam' side.
I am not as cold blooded as I thought.

I'll see you again soon next year. Take care :)

University of Manchester : Mathematics with Finance

University of Manchester

Mathematics with Finance (BSc)

- Degree awarded : BSc (Hons)
- 3 years
- Tuition Fees : £16700
- Aimed at mathematics students with a particular interest in financial systems
- Has a greater component of Accounting and Finance
- Topics presently covered include Financial Reporting and Investment Analysis


Bursary :

- AAA (including Maths and not counting General Studies), will be awarded a School Scholarship of £250 per year of study in Manchester

- AAA (including Mathematics, Further Maths but not counting General Studies), will be awarded a Manchester Success Scholarship of £500 per year of study in Manchester.

- International Mathematics Scholarships worth £1,500 for each year of study for all those who satisfy the mathematical component of their entrance requirement

- International Mathematical Excellence Scholarships for international applicants who have demonstrated overall academic excellence; these awards, which are in addition to those above, making a total of £3,000 for each year of study

Entry requirements :
- IELTS with an overall score of at least 6.5 (including a Writing score of at least 6.0 and no other component less than 5.5)

- A* (Mathematics) AB

- A (Mathematics) AA including aa in modules C3 and C4 of A level Mathematics

- A (Mathematics) AB including Further Maths A level

- A (Mathematics) AB plus A in Further Maths AS level including ab in either order in modules C3 and C4 of A level mathematics

-Interview required

-Aptitude Test required