Sometimes you never know in life who will suddenly appear and give you a hand.
Friends are mostly the reasons that keep your life going, other than your family.
Comfort that you never found from family, you can always find it from your friends.
I was helpless and clueless.
I don't know my way.
I just know I am a failure now, and people who fail have no rights to request, they only can accept.
''What should I do now??'' is mostly the biggest question in my mind right now.
I'm seriously not matured or bright enough to not think of any answers to this question.
All of a sudden, my mom asked me if ''ADP is the choice that I want. If yes, then I will go to Taylor's tomorrow, morning, alone, by train and gather info and start registering.''
I went upstairs got too tired and fell asleep.
When I woke up, I started texting people.
I texted Vivian and Jiaway to tell them I am coming tomorrow and if they are free.
I texted Kai Jin to ask her where does her boffie stay couz he's from Taylor's also.
Then I stopped.
I started asking myself what am I doing.
I'm blurred, like gone crazy.
I cannot think of a thing.
My mind is empty.
Then Kai Jin said she's going to KL on Friday and if I want to go with her.
Jiaway replied and said she can bring me around after Friday and I can stay at her house temporary.
Viv said I'm crazy for taking ADP.
After a while my phone rang. Jiaway called. I'm surprised. I'm surprised that she called and I answered that call.
She wanted to be told of the whole story, the factors that lead to this situation now.
I started off by telling her bout Soda.
The conversation ended after 2 hours and the last thing she wanted me to do is to think the reason that I want to go US.
And now I started to re-think(if there's such word) my decision.
I choose Mathematics as a major and not other kili-kala courses because I'm not good in words.
I realized that when I took A-levels.
It's advisable to take Mathematics as a major.
And I had decided the course that I want to take and I will never regret cause I am saying to the world now : '' Mathematics is what I choose, not my mom, she just suggested. I want MATHEMATICS!! I LIKE MATHEMATICS!! ''
I rejected UTAR cause :
1. I cannot learn to speak English there.
2. Cannot go overseas.
3. Environment not what I'm willing to have
4. Soda's mom will look down upon me
I rejected UK :
1. Lazy to write personal statement
2. Passed deadline
3. Soda's there.
4. Not eligible to apply
NUS and HONG KONG probably will reject me also.
I choose US because:
1. My mind is clear of all these unwanted trouble and pressure although this is just what I thought.
2. Can start all over again and proof to the whole world I can be strong too.
3. I want to learn to be strong and tough at US.
4, I want to make sure that I am capable of handling diff situation and adapting to the new envir.
5. I can choose whatever major that I like.
6. I can speak English.
7. I can save money and buy a branded bag for my mummy and proof that I can do better.
I considered all over again and conclusion is : I want to go US is because I want to be strong!
And if I miss this opportunity again I might as well go die.
And I am serious because I cant evern suceed in one single thing.
Just like mom said ' I am a failure.'
Jiaway said : learn from your mistakes. Very true.
Jiaway said : Make your own decidion. Your very own decision. You decide that youself.
Jiaway said : If it's your own decision, never say you regret in the future.
Mom scolded me today. Everything she said was hurting much but true.
Why am I so lazy? I never care. I have very serious attitude problem.
Maybe I havent find a persuasive enough reason to go to US but my final decision is going to US to finish my studies.
Very tought. Start all over again.
BUT I WILL NOT REGRET!!
THIS IS WHAT I WANT.
I WILL NOT REGRET !! US!!
