Random poses : Her first day of trip

I miss MED.



This' Melissa.

Sunway's chatime.

That's me.

Me.

Melissa.





Sunway's Manhattan Fish Market.





That's us.

I am cute! :)

Changes

I'm struggling through a very hard time now.
It's rough and harsh.

I cannot accept the fact that I had to once again change what I thought I am going to pursue.

I think many people go through this stage, just like me now.

Few years back I was still talking 'bout mass communication.
Then under some circumstances it changed to business and accountant.
But eventually under the influence of the entire class, I made up my mind to apply Law Degree.
I did a lot of convincing work to get the permission to allow for Law degree.
I convinced not only my mom,
I had to also convince myself that I am capable to pursue this route, a route that I had never in my life think of it before.
So, I got permitted.
And I completed all my applications
and from no where my mom had to put a pause sign in my life and asked me to stop and changed my direction.

The reason was taking Law was something that you would not clearly see your future after you completed the law degree, unless you are so committed to become a lawyer, which I was not.
So there is certainly no point to waste three years taking something that doesn't promise you a bright future. Plus the money 'invested' will be wasted.

My mom said I should consider something related to business.
But I was facing my trials so I din put much concern in it.
Then after my trials were my finals, the most important part.

To be honest, I din put exactly much effort in it which I supposed to be putting in.

Then after I graduated from A-levels, my mom and I went searching.
And the final answer was Accounting and Finance, or so I thought.
Then came the American Degree Programme which touched my heart so damn much I was so committed and prepared to go there.
But many problems came in and I had to stop my dreaming.
Eventually we went back to Accounting and Finance in KDU cause they offerd a twining programmed to Manchester.
I was allowed to go Manchester because of its football fame and Manchester appeared to be many smart people's second choice of university.

Then my results were released and I got my AAB and everyone was like 'Omg that is a very good result!'
Then I was pondering, this world is fake enough. I don feel happy hearing people said that.

As compromised, I got my AAB so I was allowed to go overseas to study.
But then things got rough because I'm not the kind of 'Paris Hilton' girl.
My father worked in Ipoh and it's not like a very very very big co and he has to feed another 4 people and with all the tuition fees here and there, we actually don left much.
It's not like we are poor poor but we cannot lead the 'ohh I'm hungry I want to order Dominos' life anymore.
Not to mention trips.

Then today, just now, my mom called me to her room and said we had to talk, and it's like seriously we had to talk.
She said after days of pondering and considering and planning and thinking, she thought that I should forget bout my Accounting and Finance, and opt for a better choice, ie Actuarial Science.
That was certainly a very big turning point.
I was like ' seriously? we are talking bout this now? '
The reason was Acc and Finance is just another common business course that everyone can take and it's not something worth to take.
She went on by saying something that hurt me in some way but yet so true.
It's not like we are paris hilton rich so whatever is invested for my future must be worth it.
Something more special and extraordinary and will lighten other's eyes.
Something more pro.

Yes! I was frowning my eyebrows all the time and brooding over what she said.
She continued to say something that surprised me.
Her friends thought that my results should take something more 'grant' or more pro.
I shouldn't waste my Alevels to take some common business course.
And we all know what happened when a group of ladies gathered round to discuss something.
Whatever the conclusion is, it has a very very big effect and it always is true.

So my mom said I should take Actuarial Science.
She has faith in me.
She said this is definitely something that I am capable of.
As long as I changed all my bad habits and learned to be more responsible and diligent, I can just sigh up for this course immediately.
THAT IS something we don hear everyday.
My mom praising me?
Something must have happened.

And now I am confused.
The last time I had made up my mind to go for acc and finance and now.......
I don like all these changes along.
It stirred up my mind, confused me in every single way, and the worst is I will never learn to make up my mind.
So it's definitely not my fault I'm always the last person to finish an order.

She asked me to think bout it but come on, we all knew that it meant ' I'll give you time to digest and then when you finish your digestion I'll bring you to the registration department. '

She said it's for the best.
I know she does everything that is good for me, in the present and future.
Because she's my mom.
She loves me, in her own way.
But sometimes, I cannot just accept the way she planned for me. I need to learn to make my own decision.
I think this is a situation like we went early to a shopping mall and there's too many parking available and we kept changing our parking places.

I hope someone can talk to me and help me through this.
And the only way to convince myself to accept this new path is my first BMW car that I'm going to buy when I had the money.

Disappointment

Recently, I had this great sudden urge to go to USA.
And my recently meant 2months ago.
I just had this great fondness for USA.
I think it's all 'bout the glamour.

But then I tried to convince everyone that I'm going there to learn their way of thinking and studying and managing things.
Deeeep down only I myself will know that it's all crap.

But I really want to go there.
To start a new life.
To learn new things.
To change and renew myself.
To become a better me.

Then Engyi gave me a good excuse.
She said I desperately wanted to go there maybe it's because I want to stay as far as possible away from Soda.
She'll be in UK living her UK life,
and I'll be in US living the NYorkers life style.
It's all bout glamour, isn't it?

And I tried to scratch bout every good thing bout US.
I knew I still have some pretty good convincing skills with me.
I knew if I could list out at least 20 good things bout studying in US,
my mom will definitely permit my US study 'trip'.

I did pray God for help.

I still have some conscience in me.
I don want to feel repentant in the future.
What if something went wrong?
Like.... I don't know.. Maybe Malaysians will start to have this bias thing bout US and I don get employed just because I graduated from US.....
Or maybe things go rough in the future or whatever it is.............I dono!

And then if I really choose this USA path, my alevels will be reckoned a waste.
It's not like 'I want to go and I will go now'.
It's not that easy.
Many problems have to be resolved.
Financial problem, time management problem, face problem, behavioural problem...

Plus not many people agreed and encouraged this path.

I think God helped me to figure out certain things.
I have to learn the hard way myself.
I'm not from a rich family that can send me overseas whenever and wherever I want.
Sometimes certain things just don't belong to you.
When you fail then you have to start asking yourself if this is what should be in your life.
I reckoned USA is not.
It's really very sad and disappointing.

It took me few days to finally give up.
Give up is a bad word.
So I thought maybe I couldn't study in US but I can work there in the future.
That's not the end.
I dono what awaits me in the future but I'm certain that US will be part of it.

:)