My own way

Guess WAD??
Finals are like 8 more days away and yet i doesn't seem to care much.
Damn. What the hell am i thinkin now??
Do i want or not the scholarship??
Urgh..

I'm currently losing my way and track..
I dono where to head to..
And obviously i'm not leadin a happy life recently..
Wid all those temptations and more and more temptations around me.......

I think all these confusion started when i started to come close wid xinyi and i came to know this guy named 'calvin sung'.
Honestly mentionin his name doesn't make me feel good at all.

Anyways..
It started when the number of times hangin out wid xinyi increased..
At first.. most of the nights i spent on fb and msn and skype more than my studies..
Gradually some nights i spent wid xinyi and we hanged out together till late at night..
Of course.. all these nights cut away my study time..

previous week we spent a night in a pub.. I drank like a crazy bitch..
Previous night she came and we spent whole night talkin bout our memories..

of course she's not the main reason i couldnt study..
facebook is 1 of the reasons..
urgh..
and the movies..
urgh..

then..
i came to know this guy called 'calvin sung'.. through looi han yuan..
it's a long story so i'm not goin to mention it here..
anyways..
this guy.. this nerd..
ughr..
he's so damn annoyin.. and guess wad.. i realised that oni like after a week we started chattin..

i'm always the one startin the convo..
he never said hi and all he ever said was' gtg . take care. bye. OR night.bye. '
ewww..
even like after 1 week we chatted wid each other he still couldn't be the 1st 1 to say hi..

okay...
for someone SO DAMN sensitive LIKE ME..
i really feel that there's soething wrong..

i think he's kinda like feelin uncomfortable around me...
and since he's such a nice guy to reject anyone..
so even wid all those uncomfort he still chooses to continue chattin wid me..
this possibility quite big..

and so..
i started to come out wid all these irrelevant thoughts..
it's simple..
no one wants to chat wid me bcouz i'm ugly..
i'm fat
i'm not pretty
i'm not attractin enough
i'm not a good fren
i'm boring
i hav attitude problems tht i don even notice
i said sth wrong but i din notice?????????????

WAD!!

urgh..

plus it hurts when i saw NG TENG SONG'S comment on "my beauty"..
"........... but this one ...................."

damn it!!
how could he say that.. even if he's jk.. it still hurts..
i hav so little confidence in myself..

i always think too much..

if i've been treatin calvin sung as a 'never been normal' fren..
i won even care if he moves to africa..

i always out myself to a predicament where between a male and a female.. there's only love..
no love = no frenship = annoyin
that's my thinkin all these time..

it's so damn wrong..

but yet this idea had sunked in my mind for such a long time that i don even notice..
out of no where this idea will pop out itself and start to fill my mind before i can say stop..

it's killin..
it's troublin me..

hence..
i've been thinkin lately and i came out wid this conclusion or so called solution.

Know WAD..
I'll start a new fresh me
That will never think bout the stupid idiotic boy-girl relationship anymor
Forever and ever between me and a male there will only be FRENSHIP
AND I MEAN IT!

Competing
Comparing
Worrying
really give me alot alot of trouble
all these come from the jealousy inside myself.
I hate this kinda feelin.

Damn! Why cant i live a happier life!!

So now..
I'll hold a new principle when i mix around :
" I would love to be your fren. So you want then you come. If not then grab your tail and leave! "

:))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

so this calvin sung thing i think i'll let it go for now..
watever is the outcome.. I don care babe!

Thanks GOD for lettin me know this.. X)))))))))))))))))))))))
I'm so goin to live my own life!
Damn!!

Sort out my priorities MAN!!
Studies!!!!!!

Study brings money brings happiness to everyone (includin helpin pple X))))))))

still the same sayin :
"you want you come. Don want then leave "

OMG !! I'm so goin to love myself!!